The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
im havng a real hard time real hard time just need a few freinds only beeen coming here for a few days. im havng hard time with that BIG E WORD ENABLING ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP AND DEATCHMENT ALOS IM JUST BEGINNG SO IM TRYING I REALLY AM BUT THERE IS SO MUCH I DONT KNOW.
Please look for a Private Message from me - Thank you, tea2
-- Edited by tea2 on Saturday 29th of August 2009 09:33:08 PM
Aloha TK...go to the white pages of your telephone book and look up the hot line number for Al-Anon. Call that number and see if there is a live person you can talk to. If not get the information about the times and places for our face to face meetings. Al-Anon is world wide. I hope that is close enough for you to find a person and place to talk to. Keep coming back here also...this is family.
Enabling includes many things. The biggest issue for us is to realize we are helping the disease grow and thrive. When we help the disease, we are harming the human. We harm when we buy alcohol for the A, make excuses for the A, cover their mistakes, clean up their messes etc. The A cannot see the mess their life is in if someone is cleaning it up for them. They have to see it themselves. The "help" they need is for us to stop enabling by allowing them to see themselves.... See their mess, explain their own mistakes, buy their own alcohol and suffer the consequences of all those things. Alcoholic s don't like the change in us when we stop enabling. The anger they may have is not about (at) us, however. It is a result to threat to their disease. To make changes in our lives we must change what we are doing. "If we do what we've always done, we'll get what we've always gotten".
For me, Detachment takes practice and knowledge. Not enabling and detachment are partners that work together. Attending meetings will help you understand the many different ways to detach, and the tools to do so. Detachment can include not beiing sucked in to a arguement, taking a walk or leaving, mentally detaching from their outcome (caused by alcohol) etc. We must focus on ourselves and ask "what is best for me?" Is it best that I walk away right now? Is it best that I stay out of this situation? Is it best that I say "no?".
We have all these choices available to us. You are powelress over the disease. But you are NOT powerless over yourself and the choices you make. You can choose to change your reactions to the disease by changing your actions.
When we come in to Alanon we are just as sick as the alcoholic. Alcohol controls our lives just as it controls theirs. We must choose to change if we want recovery, just the same as the alcoholic.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
There is a lot of newcomer information that can be found in the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQS) on the top of this page; at your first meeting you'll find a Beginners Packet, inside there's a bunch of information to help you to get started (with detaching and enabling). Also, there's a sign-in sheet where you can get a list of members (sometimes with emails) that includes what times it's best to call, who is able to sponsor, etc. Some Meetings also have Beginners Meetings and they tend to focus more on the First Three Steps, The Slogans, The Serenity Prayer.
