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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> RE: I need advice...
Post Info TOPIC: RE: I need advice...
HC2007


Member

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Posts: 15
Date:
RE: I need advice...
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it was buried a few pages back but Im still around biggrin still trying to get a grip.

My old thread:

http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=42727&p=3&topicID=30212857

Thanks sooo much for all the kind words and wisdom...I find it hard to just let him be as we are suppose to be a team in marriage and long marriage, he is harboring more then just addiction mental issues, there is other trauma that is keeping him frm being constitutionaly truthful to himself ... metally now that he is sober, he is just flat out nuts, maybe even a sociopath, he fits the online description to a "T"...I just think it may be time for me to move on. Ive discussed it with our adult son and he is worried naturally if Im not there that he will fall apart and potentially die. its possible, how does one bear that burden? I know if I walk away its a death sentence for him. everyone knows it and tells me often, even his family. its not fair, im drained.no



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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 17196
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Hi HC

I hear you pain and understand where you are coming from.  You have lived with this situation for a long time and need answers soon.  Alanon suggests that you make NO Major Changes to your Life for the first 6 months. unless you are in a dnagerous situation.  Right now you are stressed out and unable to see all the alternatives you have. 

Alanon tools and meetings helped me discover who I was and  and what I needed to live my life in a successful fashion.   

Please give alanon a try.  Keep an open mind, within a short time after praacticing the simple  tools of this progran  I began to  know how to handle situations that once completely confused me. 

Please keep coming back

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 13696
Date:
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Aloha HC...the strong suggestion to you was face to face Al-Anon meetings where
you will sit with and listen to many others, many who are or have been right in
the same position as you are right now.  We share experiences both before the
program, during the practice and after changes start happening.

I have no idea how I would have arrived at where I am right now in my life coming
from the disease of addiction without the Al-Anon Family groups and at first I didn't
stay...knowing everything about what was right and good for me and for others
without having a clue about what i was really dealing with.   It is from others that
the door to recovery opens. 

You have already heard or read that we don't give advise...we don't and should not
ever give advise because we don't know what works for you or how you are working what's going on in your life.   We can only suggest what has worked for us
giving you the free choice to listen and decide what you want or don't. 

One of the principles of the program is "Don't give advise". 

What worked for me is what the others here have suggested to you and what I
suggest...Here is what was suggested to me.    Get to the face to face meetings
of the Al-Anon Family Groups and go to as many meetings that I could within 90
days (I got to over 100);  Sit down (all the way in and all the way down) and
listen with an open mind leaving my disturbing thoughts and anxiety at the door.
Get as much literature as I could at the meeting and read all of it.  Share when
I had something to share and keep it simple  (Impossible!!  no fair.)  Learn the
steps and traditions and memorize the slogans and then start looking for someone
who might agree to sponsor me.  (HA!! sponsor know-it-all ME?)...Then after 90
days if I found that the program wasn't for me I could get a refund on my miseries
and look for help else wheres.  That last one scared me more than the last visit
from the cops!!  Was there an easier softer way?  I haven't found it and I will
relate that one of the things I had to admit to was that my best thinking wasn't
helping me at all.  It was the reason I was stuck in the problems I had.  Maybe
you'll arrive at that realization your self.

So that is how it worked for me and that is what I suggest.  What can you gain?
What will you loose?  90 days versus 20 years? 

Keep coming back.  This works if you work it.  (((((hugs))))) smile

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