The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi! I'm new here. I am looking for support as my mother is an alcoholic. I have just gotten back from paying her last three months rent. I have taken over her money and am buying what she needs to survive and not allowing her money. I've also told her she needs to satrt going to AA and I'll take her. This is a huge inconvenience as I have small children of my own. I have told her that I'm doing this so i can say I did everything i could before I wash my hands of her and let leave her to her own devices which will result in her losing her home.
Welcome to MIP Suzanne I hope you stick around and read, read, read especially those stories that are much like yours and how the fixes came about. No there is no way to "fix" an alcoholic. You've made the best suggestion to her about AA. That is what a recovering drunk will tell a newcomer and what they know works. Still there is no guarantee and your Mom probably has more time being drunk than truely sober. Compassion is in order as this is a mind altering, mood altering chemical that is addictive and offers insanity or death in it's journey unless the person totally surrenders their powerlessness and relies upon others (most often not you) to help them get sober. I hope the ears of her heart and spirit heard you and that she will want it for herself more than you want it for her. Thats the way it usually comes down to.
You have your own life and young children and still I will encourage you to look up the Al-Anon hotline number in the white pages of your phone book, if you have not already, and attend face to face groups. You will find a myriad of literature that will inform you about the disease of alcoholism with many solutions for you alone.
It was tough reading your statement about "washing my hands of you". One of the things I learned in the program was how to detach from and still truely love the alcoholic so that I could learn how to support in different more acceptable ways. I do know that when I stopped enabling her (helping in ways that only insured her drinking) she finally got into recovery and I had started living my own life.
Keep coming back because this works if you work it. (((((hugs)))))
I urge you to give al-anon a try and check out some meetings, talk to others who have been exactly where you are, share with them, listen & learn.
When I first came & learned most of the ways I was attempting to help &/or control (by imposing my will on others) was not working in regards to alcoholics/addicts. You can take her to meetings, spoon feed her the information but that will be you enabling her. Enabling you to be in a fight with her addiction. As jerry said, she will have to want it for herself for it to work.
Going to al-anon will help u learn to seperate her from the disease -- u can learn to support her and detach with love & kindness and stop enabling. We provide a soft place for A's to land and that doesnt help, they need to experience consequences that are uncomfortable enough for them to want to get help and actually change their own lives. Yes they need help but often it is not us, it is other addicts that they must reach out to. We cannot control adults, they will do what they will do. This disease effects the whole family and it is insidious, powerful, cunning, baffling.
You need help and support and u will find it in al-anon or acoa mtgs (adult children of alcoholics/addicts).
We do have meeeting here in our chat room & members in there can understand where you are b/c many of us have been through or are going through the same thing. Talking with those who understand, gives us hope & even sometimes new ideas we might not have considered.
Chat Room Meeting schedule: Monday-Friday...9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10am, 9pm EST(newcomers)and 9pm EST, Sunday: 10am and 7pm EST. _____ UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.
Hope u give al-anon a try, it is a life saver.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Glad you found us. Al Anon will help you with this so much.
Sad your mom is so ill. The disease of addiction is a very, very hard situation.
We learn in Al Anon the more we help them, the sicker they get. The disease gets so comfy as it is easy to use when someone takes on the persons responsibilities.
Hard to face I know. We want to nurture the ones we love, in a regular illness it works, with addiction it is like feeding a fire.
Making someone go to AA or rehab does not work. They have to want it. It is like taking a person you believe to weigh too much to a diet resort. We cannot change them, if someone said you needed to stop drinking water would you do it? To them it is as tough as that.
It is very clear you care about her. Al Anon can help you to know the best way to help without doing more damage.
I did all I could before I could stop to. I don't regret it.
