The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As some of you know I have been struggling for a long while now with the ending of my relationship and my codependancy issues. Its been so very painful and at times I could of gladly given up on myself and everything. There where many times that I felt completly lost and without hope. Everyday was just more of the same, I'd wake up full of fear, so depressed a total mess! In all of this I kept on working my program, somedays I really did have to fake it in the hope of making it! I prayed to my HP to take it all from me, I really believed I was surrendering it all to my HP. I see now that what I was doing was barganing with HP to give me what I wanted not what I needed. Denial of so many things, my part in it all, my insistence on knowing what was best for my abf, my belief that I was acting in good faith for his benefit LOL
Well last week I seemed to reach a new high in anxiety and heartache after manipulating yet another reason for us to meet up. It was all fine but afterwards I felt so sad and then resentful then started the obsessing. I was going to perpetute this cycle by seeing him again and was thinking of confronting him with all my issues about how hurt I was and how we needed to talk stuff through, on and on it goes. I was discussing this with a member of my home group who advised me to do nothing, just pray on it and wait for inspiration then I would do the right thing. I took this advice and thats when something happend. I felt a calmness I hadnt felt in such a long time. I didnt feel the need to call him, I didnt respond when he contacted me in my usual way of being there for him. I just feel different. I'm looking at my situation in a different way. I cant really explain what has changed but it feels good. I feel confident that I have the strength now to do things differently. Each day since I have felt calmer and stronger. Working the steps does work, for me its been slow process. I want to thank you all for being there for me, without my MIP family I know I wouldnt be here to say this. I'd urge anyone who's feeling stuck like I was for many months, dont give up. keep going...... It Works if you Work it so Work it your Worth it
((((((Carol))))))), Thank you so much for your ESH....you spoke to my heart in this post and helped me more than I can express. I can relate to your post and needed to hear it today. Keep working your program.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Just tacking alongside of you, now that the water is a little less turbulent for me as well as you. Have been through some rough waters too of late and needed to ride the storm out.
I am so happy to read this encouraging post of yours. You have changed something and at long last let go of a habit that has not been serving you well.
You and me both!
It is these changes that bring about our advancement in self recovery to repair our battered and worn out hearts, minds and bodies. So I am here to wave the flag and say. Good on you.
It works all the time when we get to work on ourselves.
It starts with us, and it ends with us and in between we have to do the changing and I know I posted a number of times the following, but I will say it again:
NOTHING CHANGES UNTIL SOMETHING CHANGES.
You did it!
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Thank you so much for your replys, it really means alot to me. I know for a long time I didn't reply to others posts, even though I would visit here daily and benefit from all your shares. I felt like I had nothing to give, so I really am grateful to you (((all))) for taking the time to respond.
Suzannah you have sailed these stormy seas with me, never far away and always sending me love and support in my darkest times. It makes me smile to think of you waving to me from calmer shores
I'm still feeling calm and know I have moved forward. Progress not perfection, one day at a time.
(((((Carol))))) Thank you sooo much for this share. I have been walking beside of you for many months now and it is so nice to hear you doing so much better!!!
It does work if we work it!!
love and peace shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!