The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I hate that D~ is my last thought before falling asleep and the first thought as I wake up. I don't want it to be that way and it's frustrating. When will it just go away?
For me it took a solid year of Al-anon and really working the program. Sorry. And it still happens sometimes but it's not half so obsessive as it used to be. The good news is that it wasn't all at once- it's been getting better a little every week. (I was going to say "day" but it's sort of like losing weight- it comes and goes but a weekly or monthly check-in is more realistic.)
When it still happens it feels like I've just fallen into an old groove- sort of stale- and "here we go again, how dull!" It never lasts a whole day even.
And, more significantly, when I do it it's now a symptom that there's something in my life I'm not addressing- something that has NOTHING to do with him. I realize now that obsessing about my qualifier is some sort of escape from reality for me. (Maybe a straight up alcohol addiction is more "honest!")
I differentiate "obsessing about" from "thinking about". I can't explain the difference except one I can change the channel on and one I can't (very easily).
I don't know if that's helpful or just depressing- just my experience. Good luck- it gets better!
Took me a while to stop the obsessing. And I wondered the same thing too "how long will I be like this" and it was right about the time I realized that I didn't want to be like that that the obsession began to slow down. And then I woke up one morning and the first thought was not of my ex A....and I didn't even think of him till I was in the shower and I had to laugh at myself!!! Haha!!! I did it! Course then I slipped and obsessed about hm the rest of the day LOL!!!
Time takes time and there is no rushing the grieveing process. You are aware, next you will accept and then you will take action.
Obsessing its been driving me insane for the past week or so. I havent been able to get five minutes peace from my obssesive thinking of my exA. I understand that first thing in the morning last thing at night situation, and it drives me crazy. I know whats caused this latest episode. I've been fueling this crazyness by having contact with him. The more I know about his day the worse the obsessing, I am remaining enmeshed with his stuff and its not good. My thinking got so circular I was getting bored with it! so I decided to try and break the circle.
To do this when I find my mind wandering off I tell myself to STOP. I say the Serenity prayer or an affirmation such as ' I am lovable' or 'I approve of myself' something positive instead of the usual negative stuff. It's not easy but you can decide on what your mind thinks about. You control your mind not the other way round. Its ok to take time to think stuff through and process information, but plain old obsessing is not healthy or productive.
Hope this helps, be gentle on yourself and keep coming back.
With love and Gratitude Carol
-- Edited by Mariner on Sunday 16th of August 2009 06:11:09 PM
my STBXAH still flicks into my mind in the morning and lots of times during the day, its just that now I can dismiss it quicker...its 7 months for me, so dont really expect anything different, but it definitely doesnt feel frightening anymore...my heart doesnt feel like its a stone and i can get on with my day and enjoy it...time is the only thing and making as many changes in our lives as we can I think. Ive been busy reinventing my life...small steps, throwing out, reclaiming, finding new things to fill my life and it works, you just cant forget..i do remember thinking exactly the same thing because i was so filled with pain when i thought about my AH, now I am just astounded that I couldnt see it all, the inevitable really...so now im going on with the life i should have and deserve. PS do lots of nice things for you...Lilly
its been driving me insane for the past week or so. I havent been able to get five minutes peace from my obssesive thinking of my exA. I understand that first thing in the morning last thing at night situation, and it drives me crazy. I know whats caused this latest episode. I've been fueling this crazyness by having contact with him. The more I know about his day the worse the obsessing, I am remaining enmeshed with his stuff and its not good. My thinking got so circular I was getting bored with it! so I decided to try and break the circle.