The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I met up with my qualifier a couple days ago. I cut off contact in the winter and only recently started having any contact with him. He's sober but crazy these day. (crazy al-anon style, IMO- who says codependence isn't life-threatening?)
Anyway, he was crazier than ever.
I am so sad because it's finally dawning on me that I might never get my old friend back.
I keep thinking "this MUST be a bottom! And then he'll figure it out and get better."
But maybe not. Maybe the guy I love so much for so many years isn't coming back. It's an awful thought.
I guess I'm future-tripping. I'm so so sad today, though.
I understand and it is an awful thought. It's so sad to see the one you love sick with such a senseless disease and knowing they are killing themselves from the inside out. And to know that the denial runs so deep they are powerless against their addiction.
It does make you wonder - Just how deep does "bottom" have to go? Or, will there ever be a "bottom" for them?
It's ok to be sad, but remember to take care of you. Move forward for yourself.
You are surrounded by those who understand and support you.
I too fantasize that my aH will call this his bottom and do everything he can to "get better". Then we'll pick up where we left off and we'll all live happily ever after. This thinking always leads me to disappointment and sadness. It's not my outcome to predict after all and his path is between him and his HP. (at least that is what I keep telling myself).
I feel so grateful after reading your post for learning how to keep my own eyes on my own feet and while doing that turning everything else around me over to my HP. When I stopped obsessing on my alcoholic I understood the meaning of "Free at last, Free at last..." All the weight on my shoulders came off and much of it was my alcoholic.
One of my early sponsors made me agree (when we were talking) to never mention the pronoun, she, her, my alcoholic, wife or any other pronoun but me, my, I or mine. I could not point the finger outward at anyone else but had to accept total responsibility for my situation by myself for myself.
Free at last, Free at last; Thank God I'm free at last.
My alcoholic was a conveinient excuse for my condition and so was the alcoholic before her or the addict before that one or any of the other poor choices I made in relationships to squeeze happiness and completion out of. She could not be responsible for my happiness or sadness, drunk or sober. What I came to understand and accept was that no one can be responsible for my happiness or sadness and vise versa.
You might miss him for a long time. I still miss mine. But you have to just keep moving forward by doing things like going out dancing. Good for you!!!!!!
Keep going forward!!!!! We're all here cheering you on!!!!!!
