Putting stock in other people's opinions. - Al-Anon Family Group

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

Putting stock in other people's opinions.

Andrea12 · ~*Service Worker*~

You know we can always make amends on the dishonor.....however death is final and where there is life there is hope.

It must have taken a very desperate and hopeless person to come up with that one.

Andrea

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Sis!! That was deep and on the spot. Boy when you get into loolking at
analogies I get to nod alot. Last time I saw the "Death before Dishonour" slogan
it was tattooed on the bicep of a Marine. There use to be nothing more that
would make me smile or laugh outright than one of them wearing that tattoo or
the one with the Little Red Devil or the one that said, "When I die I know I'll go
to heaven because I've spent my time in hell." I forget what picture came with
that one but LOL...I know quiet a few friends, spouses, family and associates of
alcoholics and addicts who would be qualified to wear it also. Cept for the
program that is...cause for me "gettin program" was like heaven on earth.

Thanks for your support. (((((hugs))))) smile

Inpain · Senior Member

I'm not sure I fully understand the concept of this one so I have to "dumb it down" for myself, but I am going to interpret it in my way.

My husband sort of I THINK does the same thing. He is SOOO worried about what others think of him, the will do anything to preserve an appearance...an image let's say rather than let people see the "real" him. He's soooo busy trying to make people happy, that he looses himself (makes me miserable in the process) avoids me like the plague. He'd rather hide for fear he might upset me, rather than face the consequence and in the interim, he's just created this illusion for others.

Not explaining it well...I'll have to take ather look at that quote when I have a clearer head. It's too late now.

linbol · Member

You are so correct. They much rather lie than tell you the truth even when you ask them something right out. They do not realize that we have already figured them out
because everything they do will always come to light.
But the real amazing thing is they act so differently around others. I get he is such a great person he is so good inside and out. I look at them with pity and just shake my head they just have not seen the other side of him yet.

Overcome · Senior Member

I got curious about this "Death before Dishonor" saying and looked it up in my mom's quotation books (she's an English teacher) but found nothing. Then I googled it and saw it's tie in to the military. I also read that it's not restricted to the western world, it was a Japanese code of samurai warriors who would rather die than live with the dishonor brought on by surrender (much like our marines)

This brought back memories for my mom as her dad was a Marine in WWI and was very proud of this fact. I had to wonder if it had trickled down to us today and my fear of "dishonoring" my family by my many marriages and mistakes. It is a shame that we as a society put so much stock in other people's opinions of us.

I have found this to be true even on this board (as it applies to me and me only). Sometimes I am afraid to post honestly about something for fear of what people will think..."Is she crazy to still be involved with that alcoholic" , "Why does she put up with unacceptable behavior?" "Has she not come any farther in her program than that?" Again I have to go back to what Aloha said, ""What you think of me is none of my business."

Thanks Aloha for sharing that with us.

Overcome

-- Edited by Overcome on Saturday 15th of August 2009 12:21:16 PM

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.