Hi family,
Well yes I do have an new favorite page in C2C (Courage to Change) and it is page 224, and sometime soon when I am hurting and need of another pearl of wisdom I will get another new favorite page :).

I have been blessed with the ability to attend three meetings a week for a little while and Tuesday our topic was "Living in the moment" There were a few of us who had shared (myself included) that we had almost talked ourselves out of coming to a meeting that night and another member and I are going through some rather difficult times and making some hard choices. (At this time I am not ready to bring them to the board) Another member shared this page towards the end of the meeting and it so spoke to me and this other member we kept looking across the table at each other.

Okay a quick aside.... That is what a really good meeting does for me. I can open up my heart poor my pain out and in the end look across the table at someone else and know they know what I am going through...they have felt my pain. And Tuesday I was able to share a deep connection with another person who I don't know very well, but she and I even in all our pain can support each other.

Okay back to my original thought :)
This page spoke of not wanting to go to a meeting and maybe needing to push ourselves out the door to get to one. Because at a meeting I am reaching out for help and break my isolation. I have never thought of that....I stumble over asking for help...reaching out and by simply going to a meeting I am doing just that and when I am hurting even if I don't say anything another member is right there to help even if it is just a look into my eyes to let me know they have been there or even better a hug. 

The page also spoke of going to a meeting and allowing your HP to do for you what you can't do for you. I feel so close and connected with my HP when I am at an alanon meeting. That is where I get my serenity and my cup refilled. 

The page ended my saying that we don't get to choose to hurt or not there are times when we are going to hurt...our choice is what we do when we are hurting. 
WOW. I can sit in my on grief and be miserable or I can take care of me, get my butt to a meeting, share my ESH with others and just right there I get back more than I can possibly give. 

For me this page is what alanon is all about.

Last night when I went to a meeting the chair wanted to do the topic "living in the moment" and I picked this page. If I do what this page says and keep coming back I can live in the moment no matter how much pain I am in. 

My choice isn't an easy one to make and it will be painful no matter what the outcome is, but becuase I am in this loving program I can and will get through it. And when I am ready to share it here you all will be here with your ESH.

Yours in recovery,
Mandy