I was thinking back to where I was a year ago, and it was a year ago today that I found MIP and my life began to change in ways I never thought possible.

I came here still in a relationship with EXABF and he was on a pedestal in my life.  I thought he could do no wrong.  He and I were in the beginning stages of problems and I knew it, and owned my part in it (I had lots of issues from an abusive  marriage to EXAH and took a lot of my issues out on EXABF) but I believed with all my heart that since he was sober for 10 yrs and went to meetings he was in the right and I was a mess.

I came here in August knowing I needed help, and he left our relationship in November, two weeks before Thanksgiving and a week after our one year anniversary.  I was crushed and just KNEW my life could not go on without him, it could never be the same. He hurt me and my son.  I was right on that count~my life couldn't be the same~I just didn't realize THEN that that could be a good thing. 

We tried off and on until March to work it out and did more crazy dancing than I had ever dreamed of~both of us played a part.  I engaged in A LOT of crazy behavior and finally reached a point in June where I was done being crazy and ended it for good as what we were doing was killing both of us.  I was literally ready to sign myself into an inpatient treatment facility.

Since then things have settled a lot for me.  In January I started my F2F AlAnon group and found a sponsor online (unconventional I know but she has become one of my biggest blessings so never rule out the unconventional method of doing things:)) I go to weekly meetings and completed my first round through the steps and am about to begin round two.  I've made new friends-something I thought was impossible after 40-lol.

I've learned that I am a good person, and that I deserve to be happy.  I'm learning daily to trust that I am right where HP wants me to be. I realized that the EXABF never deserved the pedestal I put him on, and am learning daily to resent him less, as without him I may never have gotten here.  I've learned that he was a part of HP's plan for me and my life-even though much pain came with that part.  I'm learning that I don't have to beat myself up every single time I slip (and I do), I'm not perfect, never will be-but I do make progress daily and can feel myself changing on the inside. I'm learning that when I let go my hands are empty:)

My life is soooooo much fuller now than it was last year this time.  Happiness has replaced much sadness.  Don't get me wrong I still deal with issues because of EXABF but time and knowledge is making those easier to bear. 

A year ago when I came here I never thought my life would go on-I was broken, beaten and hurt.  The sadness I felt was overwelming.  I came here and found compassion, love and acceptance.  I found people who knew what I was going through and who had behaved in similiar ways.  I found that I was insane, but that I could be restored to sanity.  I found that this is a journey that I will be on the rest of my life and I will have good days and bad, but I will continue on in my program.

I found new hope, new life and am very slowly finding a new me~ a me I like for the first time in my life.

Thank you MIP family for being here, for excepting and welcoming me, and for holding me up when I had no will left to stand on my own,  for guiding me in the right direction even when I thought to myself "What are these people talking about???  Focus on me??" LOL.....and for always being there to pick me back up when I slip and fall.

Thank you for the never ending encouragement, strength and hope, love and support. 

It truly does work if you work it:)
Love and peace
shelly