The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello All, I have only posted on here a couple of times but I read here alot because it helps to know I am not alone and I am very greatful there are people that are willing to share their lives with other people because I know how hurtful and shameful it can be to love an A....I have done alot of thinking in the past couple of days...and I can honestly say I am as sick as my AH...not in the same ways, I do not drink to get drunk, I do not lie (atleast not to anyone other than myself), I do not steal or any of the other sick things my A does, but I am sick....I have lowered myself lower than I would have ever thought to let myself..I have covered up for my husband, spent money I didnt have, did things I would rather not have done, I have done without and given up almost everything I could .... including myself, I let myself become an angry unhappy person....my husband didnt do that, I did that myself. It was always so easy any other time weve been apart to blame everything on him...its all his fault...this time Im not worried about him, Ive made up my mind Im done playing games, I want off this ride and Im going to fix myself. THIS time is for me....not because he wants to be away from home to drink, but because I cant be healthy with him here...I love him more than I have ever loved any man but I do not like the person I have become...I want to be the person I used to be and I cant have that person AND him so I am letting go, Im handing him over to God...I hope together they can work out his life so that one day maybe he will find happiness for himself..Im moving on without him I know it will be hard...but the old me is worth it and Im going to find her again!!!!!
-- Edited by ticswife on Monday 10th of August 2009 05:03:23 PM
I understand. I was prepared to let mine go long before anything horrible had happened, because I knew I couldn't handle it. Realizing that he was an alcoholic, and not just somebody who drank too much from time to time and that it was getting to be more often,, I had to do what was right for me If I had known then what I know now about the dry drunk, I probably should have left anyway. I avoided the really heavy drama, but have had a lot of grief anyway. Take care of yourself. Keep posting. Good luck with your recovery.
Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
I know where your coming from...I decided to let my sister go yesterday and let God handle this I can't and I need to get out of the way and focus on myself. That's hard for me but I"m starting today and not wasting another day trying to control something I can't...best of luck to you on your journey. Easier said than done but a step in the right direction.
