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My posts are usually filled with extremely dramatic situations, and unfortunately, today is no different.
Today, my alcoholic fiance called his mother and told her he is suicidal. She called me, and I called an ambulance. Well, instead of an ambulance, 8 police officers showed up to our house. My fiance told the police something like he was just being dramatic, and that he is not suicidal. After time, the police left him in my care, believing that he is not a danger.
Now, my fiance is extremely mad at his mother and I for getting the "system" involved in his problem. I know that I can't help him, but a threat such as suicide does not seem like something that should be taken lightly. He thinks that we betrayed him. What else could have been done in this situation? I think I did the right thing, but I am not completely certain.
Personally I would have done exactly the same thing. I think you did just right. Suicide is a serious matter and he just found out that he could not pull that trick for sympathy and to manipulate you and mom.
Of course he is mad. His little game did not work this time. Pat yourself on the back for keeping you wits about you and heading him off at the pass this time. Hopefully he will not do it again, but if he does, I would act exactly the same the second time.
Suicide is not something to play games about, but it is a powerful manipulating tool for some A's. I personally have no patience for such games anymore. If somebody threatens to hurt somebody, themselves included, I call 911, Period.
Just my humble opinion.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Just my 2 cents - you did exactly the right thing! Now he knows that if he threatens suicide again, you won't treat it lightly and you'll have professionals handle it.
My oldest sister told family members she was suicidal 35 years ago. They thought she was "okay" and didn't call for help until it was too late; she died of a drug overdose at the age of 22. If they had called an ambulance immediately, she might be alive today. I was only 13 at the time. I still don't really undertand why they didn't get her help. But suicide is one thing I won't mess around with!
If a person is threatening or has already attempted suicide, the police should be contacted immediately so that emergency services can arrive as soon as possible. Until help arrives, the person should be spoken to in a calm, supportive manner.
A doctor may hospitalize people who have threatened or attempted suicide. Even if they do not agree to hospitalization, most states allow a doctor to hospitalize people against their wishes if the doctor believes that they are at high risk of harming themselves or other people.
Yes, you did the right thing. Do it every single time this occurs, more times then not they will stop the emotional blackmail.
For what it's worth, I also think you did the right thing. I'd be willing to bet that if you get still and listen to your instinct, you'll find that you believe this to be true within yourself as well.
Give yourself some credit for having the courage to do the right thing on a number of levels. For one thing, you acted on behalf of someone who was threatening suicide - this is a serious threat and calling the authorities demonstrates your compassion for your fiance.
Secondly, calling for help like this provides your fiance with the opportunity to face the consequences of his actions. He threatens suicide - police and medical personnel show up. It's up to him to deal with the resulting fall out, whatever that may be. If he's mad and feels betrayed - that's HIS deal, not yours. You took action based on what he was saying and out of concern for his life. Maybe going forward he'll think twice before making those kinds of statements.
Last - and this is just MY opinion - I would probably rather be second-guessing myself for calling the authorities than beating myself up for not doing so and having him actually carry out his threat.
I agree there are some things that are not a joking matter - threatening the president or saying u have a bomb at an airport would alert the appropriate parties, just as the threat of suicide & being "dramatic" is a very very serious threat. So he got mad. At least he now knows there is a boundary & that wont be tolerated.
If he whines or complains about it - I would absolutely not take the blame. That threat will always get that kind of response. Period.
I have been suicidal & needed help, it is a terrible place to be in, I think u did the appropriate thing.
I personally would think he is more emabarrassed then mad, but either way he will get over it & knows what the two of you will do in that situation. Good work!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Once we start taking all remarks of this sort very seriously they will soon think twice about using that manner to get attention, sympathy or whatever it is they are looking for.
My sis has tried to commit suicide so many times I lost count. The last time the hospital took control of her and sent her to the psyche ward. No biggie she has been to that resort many times. The "Issue" that got her into deep water is when they called a meeting of the family and she didn't like what another sister said and when I looked at her she whispered to me "I'm gonna kill her". NOT a thing to say when you are in a room with the Psychiatrist, Psychologist, social worker and members of the family.
She had already proven that she is a danger to herself and now she is telling them something like this???? That was all they needed and put her in court appointed rehab. Unfortunately she has been there so many times she now knows exactly what to say and how to act to get herself out; and the saga continues.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I think you did wonderfully, I also agree that what you did was what should have been done, Now he knows that you will not play games when it comes to his life, and you are serious when you say, he is not your responsibilty... All we can do is take care of ourselves, what they do with there lives is their business, unless like yours, they put us in a place were we have to do something, and you did well... Good for you...
I would give myself a nice Face to face meeting, and some ME Time to celebrate your good deed...
Take what you like and leave the rest... Love & Prayers Jozie
You bet u did the right thing , maybe next time he will think twice before scarring hell out of you , it is all a game and it works , it gets u off his back ,exactly what he wanted well this time it backfired . If he threatens again , call the police again . well done Louise
If he was suicidal you did the right thing to get him help.
If he was not suicidal you did the right thing for several reasons. 1 How do you know what he is realy thinking, he could be ready to harm himself. 2. The embarassment might stop this kind of behavior. 3. The experience might help his maturity.
Suicide may be the ultimate selfish act. Alcoholics can be selfish, extremely selfish.
Thanks everyone for your support. Even though the situation caused him extreme embarrassment, I do believe it was necessary to call 911. He now knows that his drinking problem is way out of hand, and he is finally seeking help from all of his former AA friends. He even mentioned that he might go back to treatment. (I will mention that I did not push him in this direction; he came to this decision on his own). I am not getting my hopes up too high, as I don't want to be disappointed in him. I am finally learning how to take care of me, and not allow myself to be vulnerable to his problems. I am taking a vacation this week to go spend time with my family, and I can't wait. I'll just keep praying that everything works out the way it is supposed to, but in the meantime, I'll take care of me! Thanks for all of your support. I don't know what I would do without it!
