The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi to all of my long time friends and family here at MIP. I tried like heck to get in the room this morning to no avail, so I figured hp had a different plan for me. So came to the message board,and got right on?#$ Anyways, alot of you have known me a very long time ,some not,so I will reintroduce myself and share a lil of my history. I was married to my first hub,my original qualifier, for 9 years and found this room when our third baby was born and his using was at its fullest bloom, and my sickness at it's fullest bloom. That was 8 yrs ago. Yes, noah is 8!!!! After a yr of sobriety we decided that there was far too much irrepairable(is that even a word?)damage and decide to split ,and then 2 yrs later we divorced. Grateful for both ouf our programs we had then,though fairly new,it kept it civil for us and the kids. Was it painful and sad, absolutely,but we did it. We worked it because we were worth it.and today, gratefuly we still do, and it is work to keep it that way. Fast forward to present day. I was a single parent on my own for the first time ever at that point and I was getting very aquainted with myself and kids, things were a lil tight, but that chaos was no longer. I remained single for about 2 yrs(not long enough) when I met my current husband. The physical attraction was hot, hot, and I should have listened to my gut knowing what I learned about those hot,hot attractions. ok, enough of my humor, my mask for everything..here's the thing, we married 3 yrs ago ,and had a beautiful little girl who is 2 1/2. Trouble is my marriage is a disaster. I married a very sick man,whom I believe to be a sociopath. Very scary.again cunning and baffling disease. The charm and manipulation,lies compulsively,over spending,pornagraphy addiction,rageaholic,and has on several occassions threatend my life literally. I revert back to sick myself, because of course he doesn't like when I go to meetings,or see my family or read my lit,etc, and as a result of "keeping the peace" I become as sick as my secrets. I have started counseling for myself and I am relearning that total and complete honesty is necessary in order for me to recover and do what I have to do to feel safe. Get safe. I did fill out a domestic abuse questionare my first appt and I was honest out loud for the first time. sigh. It felt scary ,but empowering. I need to be honest totally ,so that I can get the help I need and make a plan that is safe for me and my kids. My older three kids are currently living with my former hub, their dad who just celebrated 7 yrs sobriety by the grace of God and AA. My children refuse to come back perm because of the situation ,and I have so much respect for their decision. Though being a weekend mom to 3 of my 4 kids is emotionally difficult at times, I know they are in a better place. Weekends work, but the stress on my mind of what if's while they r here is getting old. I spent the weekend at the beach last weekedn alone, spending some much needed time clearing my head and opening my heart, and I know it's time to act. I pray for guidance daily and will continue to fly in "stealth" mode as I prepare, and I am going to utilize all the resources avail to me as ,yes, a battered woman. I have no physical scars, but boy I am so emotionally ,mentally and spiritually wounded. I had such a hard time admitting to such,but I remeber what I hear in the rooms all the time and that is that you are only as sick as your secrets. I hope to see many more old names and many more new names as I frequent the room more often than I have been,it is thru all of you sharing your esh in these rooms that I was able to be ok before...and I know I will be ok again,odat, so I'll keep coming back~ love and hugs~ Carla
__________________
It works if you work it , so work it YOU'RE worth it <3
You do whatever you need to do in order to be safe... you are worth it! As a man that is a real hot button with me that anyone would treat a person that way.
Know you and your kiddos are in my prayers...
Take care of you!
- ron
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
good Morning Carla, Your Topic says it all and I am so glad you are facing it not only for you but your precious little ones also.Congrats to your EX let him know that he is encourage through his walk also. Thank God your children have a safe place to go. I am praying for you to find a safe place also. Praying for you Linda
