The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was reminded today to use the slogan "Let Go and Let God" when I read today's reading in ODAAT in Al-Anon. (August 7, p. 220) I have been trying to do this since I found out that my husband may have esphageal varices and a life-threatening condition with his throat from drinking (see earlier post about taking husband to ER). My husband and I are going through a divorce, so I must keep my boundaries no matter what is going on in his life today.
I spent the day yesterday taking care of me. I went to see my counselor. I caught a f2f meeting. I talked with my sponsor and worked on my 4th step. I also stayed in touch with my alcoholic, and know that he is doing what he needs to do to take care of himself. He set up an appt. to see the doctor today and to get referrels for his upper GI and throat endoscopy. He has called his parents and pastor and has someone to take him. So I am relieved that I won't be tempted to go back into the "caretaking mode" with him. He is "taking care" of himself and that is good.
I did find out yesterday that he had signed the divorce papers and turned them into my lawyer. I have been waiting on him to do this for some time and he has been procrastinating. I don't know what moved him to do it yesterday, I'm just glad that he did. That is one less thing that I have to worry about. I am sad about the divorce. But it has become necessary. I have put a lot of thought and prayer into this decision. It is not one that I have made lightly.
He of course tried to blame-shift and make me feel guilty about his decision to sign the papers. "I guess everyone is happy now." he said. "You, your daughter, your mom and your ex-husband." (he has it in his sick mind that I'm going back to my dysfunctional ex-husband) I just said, "No, this is not anything to rejoice over, it is the death of our marriage. And ex-husband has nothing to do with it." Other than saying that I tried to stay out of his game playing to try to suck me into yet another argument with him.
I must remember as it says in ODAAT, "The more tightly I clutch my problems to my mind, the less opportunity I give God to help me work them out." I must Let Go and Let God today. That is going to be my slogan to live by for today.
Thanks for listening.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I hope whatever your husband has is not serious. We all know that when an alcoholic picks up again the disease progresses. Some people take a long long time to get very ill. I feel like I'm surrounded by many of them some days. Other days I can have a lot of compassion for how stuck they are. I do feel an immense sadness that so many of them never get to recover. Everyone's bottom is a different one, maybe this will be your husband's bottom and he will seek recovery. I've heard many many stories in AA of people who's medical condition prompted them into recovery. There is always hope.
I am so glad you are taking care of yourself. As someone who's been over responsible all my life for others and under responsible for myself, I know how very difficult and imposing that is.
I am glad you posted hun.. a reminder for you.. You are a dtong women.. I know you are going thru a very rough time with this.. YOu will get thru it thouhg.. You have you alanon family to help you.. And we are all here for you.. Glad you are taking care of you.. You are a very important person and you are worth takeing care of..
