Hi all,

I saw once again how working your program can really scare your A and just had to share.

My addict husband went over to the neighbors Sunday night and came back and said he was going to walk up the little convenience store and buy the neighbor a beer for his birthday. I said ok and went about my business.

Well several hours later he still wasnt back and the house across the street was all dark. I figured he went to the bar instead which is across from the convenience store he walked to.  

For the past two months I have been blessed to be able to attend 1-3 meetings a week, and at least once a week page 174 in C2C has been read. The page is really good and I recommend it. It speak of a man sitting under a tree that has pigeons in it. The pigeons do what pigeons do best J. The man gets up and is mad at the pigeons for doing what they do. He realizes that it is absurd to be upset at a pigeon for doing what they do. This page helps me remember that my husband is caught in the trap of the disease and he is doing what active addicts do. He drinks, he uses, and he lies. (On a side note this page has been quite humorous for me. That night when I was telling myself that he was just being a pigeon I pictured his head on a pigeons body hehe and then to complete the picture a pigeons head on his body J)

He called me about 11:30 and asked if I wanted a Diet Pepsi (my drug of choice J) and I said no., but thank you. I told him I took myself and the girls (our dogs) to bed and I was reading a new book and didnt need anything He said he would be home soon and I just said ok. (The call was a test to see if I was mad, I wasnt. And to offer a peace offering if I was mad, but one wasnt needed.)

When he came home he slinked in to the bedroom. I was still reading. He told me was really drunk, he knew I was mad at him (his head not really how I was feeling), and that he was going to pass out on the trampoline, but he wanted a pillow and a blanket and my not being asleep ruined his ability to slink in, grab what he needed and then pass out outside. (The logic behind that hurt my head) I asked him if he really wanted to sleep outside and he said well yeah, youre mad at me. At this point I couldnt help it I just laughed and looked him in the eyes and said I wasnt mad.  I told him he was an adult, able to make his own choices, and if he really wanted to sleep outside but he was welcome to sleep in bed.

He got into bed andthis is where it really go funny for me.and he started to ramble that I was scaring him because I wasnt mad at him. He  said wives are supposed to be mad at their husbands for being stupid and going out and getting really drunk. He said I was supposed to be screaming, yelling, ranting, raving, and telling him just how stupid I thought he was. I told him that I really wasnt going to be able to understand why he does what he does, but he knows that the person he described really isnt me.  I didnt say thanks to alanon that isnt me. He knows I go to meetings (lol and he tells me they are not working.little does he know). He kept rambling about how I was scaring him until he finally passed out or I feel asleep first.

That night could have been different, but thanks to a well written page and years of this program it wasnt how it once could have been, it was better.
Yours in recovery,Mandy