The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Same old scenario with me and my sister. She gets drunk and I get worried and want to take care of her. She has two addictions alcohol and gambling. I don't even know how she's going to pay her rent. Oh and yes I had to drive over there(45 minutes) to see if she was alright and take her to lunch so that she feels better. I even found her a meeting right down the street from her and she didn't want to go....but she will she says. I told her I did my part. She said I don't want to go alone and supposedly me and her will go Friday but I have heard that all before. It all just wears me out and I will be so glad when I learn the program better and I can let go without worrying and obsessing about her and feeling quilty. So glad I found this site.
I Agree... You SEE now what Insanity you are allowing yourself to live in, and that is a HUGE Step in Al-Anon... For me, and my ABrother, the Slogans & the Detachment I read everyday, till it sunk in... They were Huge in getting me "Out of HIS Way" and Back to me... It was not easy, it didn't always feel "Right", but in the end, it has given him a "Touch" more respect for me, and he now KNOWS what I WILL & WILL NOT Tolerate when it comes to his insanity...
Keep Working your Steps, Your Sloagans, Your Program, and I Promise you, You will find the light at the end of the tunnel, and hopefully along the way, You will be Reborn :)
Take what you like and Leave the rest... Friends In Recovery Jozie
I agree with glad lee and Jozie "you are seeing it". It takes time to realize that nothing we do to "help"-----"will help"------- unless the alocholic wants "help". They are going to do what they are going to do. The question is what are we going to do. My answer was to take care of myself first. But, that was after I realized that reguardless of how much I cared, worried, tried to control, and fix my alocholic---------Nothing changed.
I found the best place to start taking care of myself was in the rooms of Al-Anon at face to face meetings. In time there I realized that all my help, worry, and energy was waisted. Even though I thought I was helping, in reality I was only hurting my alocholics chances to find her own way, in her own time, not my time. That was hard for me to accept. When I gave up, and gave in, and turned her over to my HP 100% and did not take her back or interfere. Guess what? She got better. She had to do it herself with the help of her HP. It was so hard for me to accept that the best thing I could possibly do for her was absolutely nothing. As it turned out that was the most caring, loving help I ever gave her.
Nothing can replace f2f meetings. Please find meetings in your area and jump in the program with both feet. There you will find the help you need. You will not regret it!!!
At the very end of our meetings we always say the same slogan while holding hands, "Keep coming back, it works if you work it." Nothing could be more true.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Tuesday 4th of August 2009 01:38:28 PM
Katie, I can relate to your share. I have an ex-coworker who was just let go for making some poor choices last month. This is someone who was one of my clients (I am in social services) and she worked her way up to a temp position here. I have watched her grow and it hurts to watch her start sliding back.
She mentioned that she needed to get back to meetings on her last day at work. Money is really tight for them (:) not like it isn't for me to) and with her losing her job that wasn't going to help her financially. There are two AA meetings on two of the three possible F2F I attend and offered to pick her up since she lives close to me.
She cancelled the first night and we recheduled for another night. I was so hurt. I went to the alanon meeting and I was able to see it for what it was. I wanted to fix her. I wanted to help.
I said in that meeting a twist on "Let Go and Let God" I sais Hands Off and pray. I needed to hear me say hands off....because that is so hard for me. I am a little hard headed (ok really more than a little) and for me Hands off is straight to the point what I need to do. Pray...well that is keeping me in my hula-hoop, but something I can do and will do for anyone in need.
She canceled on me again later that week, and I know she knows where to go for help. I know that I am not the only one who can offer her a ride, but if she needs me she knows how to get a hold of me. So, I haven't contacted her since. I need to let her fall if that is what she needs to do.
If I am working my program I can care for someone and not be a detriment to me, when I can't keep my "hands off" policy, that's when I know when I am not working my program.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
thanks so much for your replies. You don't know how much I've learned already just by reading these board and starting to go to meetings. You are all so special to me...thank you so much.
Katie, at least YOUR not alone. We've all BTDT. Long ago, before I was married, and this will easily tell you my dating history, I called and called my boyfriend. his line was busy. I was soooo worried. I mean it was busy for two hours. I drove to his house 25 minutes away. All the lights were on. I went inside. He was passed out drunk on his bed.
He was supposed to call me. I was so angry. Then I went to work turning off lights, taking off his shoes, getting him ready for bed. He remembered NONE of it the next day.
Interestingly, it was 15 years ago and I remember it CLEARLY to this day. The pain our loved alcoholics inflict upon us is "crazyness" You're here with those who know. You're not alone. IP
