The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I remember the first time I read that I thought WOW! How can so few words hold soooo much insight.
I remember coming here and being told if I didn't like the way I was feeling to try doing the opposite of what I had been doing and again thought WOW....pretty insightful.
Today I am at a wall.......and I either have to go over or around it, or probally the most simple thing would be to just remove or delete it altogether......(not sure if I can make it today, but I know it has to be done, and soon), for me to really be free from the past and move on in peace.
I've been trying to go through it for months now and just keep bashing my head off it, knocking myself down, and get up and do it again (guess this would define insanity huh?) And as many bruises and knots on my head, I still can justify in my mind why I need that wall in my life, what purpose it serves, how it helps me, how I can control it, but with my persmission I allow it to control me and remain a huge part of my life.
Today, I know, that there has to be some changes made, and I know what they need to be, in order for me to move forward. Today I know in my mind the things that need to happen but today I don't have the strength to do it. Today I just am.....and I'm ok with that........ for today that's the best that I can be......
thanks for letting me share Love and peace Shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I am my own worst enemy. And that is saing something because I know some pretty rotten people who really despise me .
I have this voice in my head that wants meo stay miserable. It gives me every single excuse there is just to stay miserable. And even when there are a thousand voices outside my head saying "do THIS and you will feel better" I still, stubbornly listen to that sick, but oh so confident, voice in my head and I chose to stay sick.
In the past few years, I have decided that I no longer want to hurt myself. I no longer want to be sick. So, I whined about that for awhile in meetings. My poor alanon friends were so patient and kind to me!! I finally heard that if I didn't want to stay the same then I could change!! There I was waiting for someone to wave the magic wand and change everyone around me. I hung on to the bitter end. Then I realized what alanon had been telling me....let go and let God.
Freedom is priceless. And scarey. Doing something new is scarey. Talking about doing something new is a great way to stall doing something new.....
Giving up a drug is a hard thing to do. Whne I finally let go, I had my hands free.
Goodmorning Shelly...coffee's on and ready. Just a few steps and you'll get to it. Powerless people don't do walls...they do doorways. HP is the doorknob and so you have to use the HP to open the door. Your chair will be at the table.
.