The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A-bf has been in hospital x 4 weeks now... 2-weeks in ICU and 2-weeks on a floor. He had had so much alcohol and pain-killers in his body that his liver and kidneys shut down. He then went into heart failure; had pneumonia and 2 other infections. Has needed transfusions and dialysis.
He is still very weak, very jaundiced. Still short of breath. Because his body is starting to heal, it is to the point where his psychiatric problems are rearing their ugly heads. He's having racing thoughts and panic attacks (new for him). The psychiatrist said that his mood disorder came first (years and years ago), then came the alcoholism (dual diagnosis). The psychiatrist said that he is trying some meds to help A-bf become comfortable, but there are few to choose from due to the instability of the liver and kidneys.
I was talking to A-bf's mom on my cell when psychiatrist came back into room. A-bf's Mom had questions for the psychiatrist, so I asked the doctor if he would take her call, which he did. A-bf's mom said some things to the psychiatrist that really set him off. He began to yell at A-bf and even at me. I really don't want to go into the specifics, but I had never seen a psychiatrist act that way toward a patient... to the nurses, yes... but NEVER to a patient. It was insane!
I regreted ever handing the phone to the doctor, and I will never do it again. Emotions are running high for A-bf's family and I need to stear very clear of it all. A-bf's Mom spoke what she thought was to be true (it was "her" truth and "her" story), but I don't believe it was "THE truth." A-bf spoke what he thought was to be true (it was "his" truth and "his" story), but I don't believe it was "THE truth," either.
The doctor was out of line in my opinion, and I think he successfully shut down any form of communication from any of us, especially the A-bf. He was actually very abusive. I was just shocked! Now I'm just royally angry and awfully sad.
I have to find a way to stay detached from the actions and the choices of all of these characters! It's so, so crazy! It is crazy-making! Alcoholism is a horrendous disease. As much as it hurts to witness all of this, I would never, ever want to be the one that actually suffers from the mental illness and alcoholism itself. Ever. It's a pure hell. There is no other disease that I can think of where you get yelled at and shamed and blamed as you are trying to come back up from it all... just to get kicked right back down. I cannot imagine an oncologist yelling at a cancer patient the way this psychiatrist was yelling. I cannot imagine an endocrinologist yelling at a diabetic or a cardiologist yelling at a person who has heart disease in this manner. I do not think it helped at all. It sickens me.
He is a humanbeing too. The more I learn from my programme the more unhealthy traits \I can see in others. But its not my job to take there inventory I have to try and keep the focus on me and my revovery.
However unacceptable behaviour is unacceptable behaviour and it seems so much worse when it comes from a professional. I today try not to let people get away with unacceptable behaviour we all have to face the consequences of our actions that is how we learn from our mistakes. Also if your partner had cancer and was treated this way as you say you would not thinks twice of reporting the incedent
hope this helps take what you like and leave the rest
I've seen more than my share of various hospital personnel offer varying levels of professionalism to my AH over the years. There are angels who understand the disease, who are clear, honest, supportive and caring and always get that judgement, forcing solutions and temper tantrums won't help the patient. There have been others, I call them the "shoulds" that have less understanding of the disease and tell him what he "should do" and "should want" and get frustrated when he shuts down. Funny, sounds like me before I found Alanon or when I'm not working my program as well as I "should"
When I'm with a "should" I try hard not let them rent space in my head. I often bring in family photos, flowers and talk of the good traits of my AH. I hope they'll see the respect that ALL beings deserve.
Thank you... all of your advice & reminders are very helpful. I'm glad that I didn't confront the psychiatrist. There is nothing I can do to change him, and saying anything would have worsened the situation. I decided to do this:
"I can't. He can. I'll let Him."
and
"Today I will detach from the actions of others; what they say, what they do, and how they act."
That, and your support, is getting me through this.
