The material presented
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We have a set of mutual friends and im struggling with them learning the concept of detachment.
We all went bowling yesterday and the bowling alley is one of ah old hang outs (hes been sober 4 weeks). Well after a bit and i could see it coming he got agitate and asked me for the house keys so i gave them to him. The male friend start saying he was ruining it for everyone which he wasnt ok he snapped at me but i didnt say anything and handed the keys. But as he walked off (with youngest child so i know he wasnt going pub) the mate chased after him and started causing a scene between them.
Ok in the end he had dh in tears and he finally admitted he needed to go doctors (hes with aa aswell) as he thinks he also needs medical help (depressed) but if his mate had left him to it we wouldnt have had the scene.
They also try and shelter him from alcohol saying to other friends dont drink hes here not to his face but nether the less.
I then also had the female friend in my ear going i dont know how you put up with it ummm cause i have to im married to him and it wouldnt have been like this if he had left. Ive tried teaching the concept of detachment but its not working they get all weird about it and think im being a door mat which im not ok he might have one rant at me but when he sees me ignoring it he gets the hint.
Aloha Rach...that brings to mind only one thing for me...Al-Anon is a program of attraction not promotion... I tried teaching, expounding on, cajoling all of that stuff and it hasn't ever worked. When I walk it, practice it, act it out they get inquisitive and ask or make remarks how I'm not affected. LOL
Sometimes I tell them a bit of the journey...end it with my membership in Al-Anon and go on with what's going on at the time.
Thanks Jerry. They just seem hell bent on giving him the attention that they think i lack giving him. They do the arguing back for me hes been a A 12 years or so and ive coped this far in private but this one public (as such) display they think is what ive been having all these years. oh well lol
Just like the alcoholics, we can't control other people in our lives, as well... including friends.
If they choose to create drama for themselves in something that's not their business, then that's their choice. They get to live with the consequences of their decisions.
It's nice that in Al-Anon, we get to refer back to some of our slogans. When I have friends trying to involve me in their drama, I love going to the slogan, "How important is it?" And usually 99% of the time, I decide that whatever "it" is, it's not important enough to lose my serenity over it.
Well thats it he came back from AA last night and said to me i am going to do some sorting out in my life. I left it, 10 minutes later he said im going to step back from these friends. I then asked how he came to the decision and he said that they are causing to much thinking in his already messed up head. We discussed what was said to us separately by this couple and it seems they are hell bent on splitting us up. Dh says that the male friend has asked him on several occasions would he know anybody at the aa meeting!!!!! wtf and when dh says im not being funny but when i need to fall back on anyone it will be AA the friend gets all jealous. im only friends with the female cause she is seeing the male so its no big loss to me. So there we go done and dusted lol
