The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sooooooo...... If my W (possibly my AW) drinks every day, actually by that I mean every night, almost without fail. She drinks at least 1 bottle of wine a night on weeknights, sometimes more, no matter what time she(we) get home in the evening, and usually more than a bottle on weekend nights. I have only seen her not drink when she is very ill. This has been happening for over three years now.
At some point, and I admit it didnt happen overnight; I stopped wondering about my qualifiers and the other questions about the disease I had. I know this doesnt answer your question in a direct way tho I will add to be a member of Al-Anon is there is only one requirement and that is to be affected by someone elses drinking and it doesnt say to what degree.
It seems clear that you are being affected by someone else's drinking, and you are definitely in the right place. You will find many people in Al-Anon who know exactly what you are going through, both here and in f2f (face to face) meetings. It is very comforting to be understood.
I've even heard alcoholics say that no one can call an alcoholic an alcoholic, but the alcoholic. But if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck and leaves duck feathers everywhere then it's probably a duck! lol
Like everyone else here has said, Al-Anon is a program for someone who has been affected by someone else's drinking, and by the fact that you've posted here it would say to me that you are in the right place!
I'm glad that you found us and feel free to join the al-anon chat room or join us for meetings. They are held every day at 9 a.m. and 9 p.m. e.s.t. Monday-Friday and 10 am. and 9 p.m. on Sat. and 10 a.m. and 7 p.m. on Sunday.
Stick around and you'll learn a little about yourself as well!
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Aloha Isaiah.... When I wore your shoes I didn't know either and the solution came at an Al-Anon Family Group face to face meeting. It was exactly as you have read it here and that was 30+ years ago. "If her drinking is affecting you the chance are..." It took me two visits before I sat down and learned to have and open mind. My spouse was an alcoholic. That's it, that's all and I am grateful that it led to me finding the room of Al-Anon. By the way more of the story is that I found the hotline number for Al-Anon completely by guided chance that resulted in me coming to save my own life.
I invite you to follow this trail also. Look in the white pages of your local telephone book for Al-Anon. Call that telephone number and get the times and places for face to face meetings and go to the earliest one you are able. Get there early and don't worry there will be a seat waiting for you. Go in sit down and keep and open mind. Listen, Listen, Listen. If you are invited to introduce yourself and state why you came to the meeting that is your choice. First names only and we don't Identify our spouses by name or even as our qualifier if we don't wish to. There will be a lot of literature at the literature table and most of it will be free. There may also be a "Newcomers Packet" for you to take with you. Read it all and keep it to yourself. We're not secret and we're not "in your face" with the alcoholic either...we believe that alcoholism is a disease; not a moral issue. Get phone numbers if offered by the membership so that you can call if no meeting is available and you need time to talk. Don't worry if a person doesnt answer or have the time to talk...go to the next number and the next till you find someone to help you. MIP is also here for you although it is not a part of Al-Anon. Many members here are members and long time members of the program who will be only too grateful to give to you what has been given to them.
After the first meeting try to get as many meetings as you can over the next 90 days and after that time if you find that the program isn't for you pursue whatever else there is out there that might help. During the first 90 days get a handle on the 12 steps, 12 traditions and the slogans of the program. We all talk about having an HP or Higher Power, or a God of our understanding, something or body more powerful than the disease or the alcoholic. You can discribe this HP to your self as you understand. Al-Anon while very spiritual is not a religion even if you do find others and then yourself working and living the steps religiously. The program is also not a cult. We don't have weird practices or chants during a full moon and we do learn how to laugh and smile alot just because. You will find many men in the program for support and you all can go to coffee after the meeting or what we use to call the "meeting after the meeting" which allows for cross discussion and questions and the like. The meetings are specifically "no crosstalk meetings" in order to be non-threatening and allow for the maximum amount of input from those in attendance. We have daily readers...literature...check them out also. Lastly don't be afraid, guilty or shameful about being there. Everyone will understand and already loves you anyway.
Since u know exactly how much she drinks I think u already know the answer to your question , it dosent matter how much or how often what matters is how her drinking affects you , that Al-Anon can help u with . We are as a rule enablers , we lie for them , we cover up thier mistakes , we make excuses for crappy behavior and we spend alot time trying to figure out ways to make it stop , and u can't . Please find some meetings for yourself , learn all u can about alcoholism learn ways to not let it run your life too , when we are obsesssing about someone elses life we loose our own . Louise
