The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Woke up this am determined to get out of this slump and get it together........that lasted until I got to work at 8am.
I decided to quit dating a guy, who I have been dating for the past couple of months. G and I have known one another for 10 years and have been buds forever-dating was new, but I felt he was wanting more than I had to offer (he knows I am in program and has been supportive and knows I am FAR from ready to commit). I felt he deserved more and he said he understood and would be there if/when I was ready. Of course he ended things with call me whenever you decide. So I really felt like I was loosing a true friend and that put me in the dumps.
I then got an email from my sponsor, which basically stated that what I said to her was correct and she is not in a position to sponsor or help me-but I knew that and was the one to originally suggest it-but it was still a loss. She even joked that maybe I could help her. So though I understand COMPLETELY I felt lost and alone by loosing a sponsor that I thought I had picked out well.
Then I get a call from an ex who proceeds to tear me up one side and down the other for something I know NOTHING about, and accuses me, pretty much, of giving out his cell number(of course I did not) So that upset me too.
Next I find out that G-my friend of 10 yrs, has a child about the age of my son-whom he NEVER felt the need to mention to me. I found this out by checking his background on the pc-to get his mailing addy. The worst part of it was when I asked him about it he flat out LIED to me, and then when I called him on the lie-somehow once again-I was to blame as he told me it was his business (which it was-the lie was mine). And it went from that to "if you want to throw away everything we could have over a lie then fine, but someone shouldnt tell anyone else how to live their life when their own is so messed up (speaking of mine of course and all the confidences I told him) and after all he did for me and my son he is hurt". So basically a person I thought of as a GOOD friend for 10years kept his child a secret, then lied to me about it, blamed it on me and then threw everything I am trying to do and have been through in my face.
And to top it all off my new RX that are working better than anything ever has for my RLS have me hallucinating a LITTLE bit.
I'm sitting here just blown away by it all. I don't think I am ever going to be able to trust another man again-I can't even trust my own judgement obviously. I just feel like a complete and utter A@@ when it comes to reading people. I obviously wasn't capable of picking out a sponsor to meet my needs. I let go of a great sponsor because it was what I thought was the right thing to do and it was as far from right as left it. I dated EXABF for a year and to this day he still lies/omitts things-I never knew him at all I think. My best bud of 10yrs, KNOWING what I have been through in the past year because of EXABF, decides that I can handle some more mistruths and dishonesty and hurt and then throws things in my face.
It seems like within the past week-every single time I have climbed back up to my knees I've been sucker punched and knocked back down. I just give up. I don't know what HP wants from me right now.
I am completely emotionally, mentally and physically worn out. My home is a mess and I could sleep for a week......And I just don't know what the next right step is...... Thanks for letting me share Shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to let you know that the light must have been the same train that hit me. Look out, be careful, it keeps coming back. Forunately for us, we have alanon to help us avoid those collisions. Sincerely, Tonya
So sorry to hear that you are going through so much. When it rains, it pours. On days like those, I find that I have to change the slogan to "One Minute At A Time" or "One Hour at a Time". On a day like that, 24 hours seems like an eternity. Hopefully the worst has passed and things can only go up from here.
You have a choice to start your day over as many times as you deem necessary. It takes some practice. You say.."OK, that's over..begin again, there's nothing I can do about it". Then you do! Letting the things that upset you go is the hard part. It's a mindset.
When you realize that holding on to stuff is only harming you, then it gets easier to do. I allow myself some time to be p*ssed or hurt, then I start my day over so it doesn't control my whole day. Holding on to it will get me nowhere.
I've started my day over 10 times in one day. It's just a way of moving forward and not letting other people control your thoughts and mood. Sometimes I would even ask myself "If this was my last day on earth, is this how I want to spend it?" That always put it in to perspective for me. Heck no, I don't want to "allow" other people make my last day miserable.
I have problems just like everyone else. Right now there is life threatening things going on in my family, but I just can't dwell there and let it take me down.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
none of what is going on is your fault. your sponsor being unable to help? you picked her, yeah, but she didn't have to say "yes". you can't control what goes on in her life and what made her agree to be a sponsor to you.
and your friend? with a kid? it hurts to realize bad things or find out huge secrets about your friends but it's his secret. he must have a complicated web of lies protecting that for some reason, and you do not need to get involved. mourn the loss of who you thought you knew.
sometimes tons of s**t happens in one day. just because. Christy is right. you can start your days over many times.
turn to what you can do in your life to make a positive difference.
To paraphrase a quote I've heard often-life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I choose to deal with it.
When my ex-fiance walked out on my daughter and me, I was devastated. It was at that point I made a firm resolve to truly start working a program for me, and to leave the men alone, even casual dating.
That was 10 years ago this month, and that commitment was so worth it! I'm starting my final year of college, am already employed in my chosen profession, and I am filled with gratitude.
I love Christy's suggestion of starting the day over because I have used that tool many times when I started to sit on my pity pot and forget about all the blessings in my life.
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
This may sound silly, but sometimes I have to visualize a giant red Reset button. When the crazies start crowding in, I have to mentally stop, take a few deep breaths and hit that sucker. I also have to admit, the longer I wait to do that, the harder it is.
So for now, just stop, breathe in, breathe out and feel the warmth of all our cyber hugs embrace you.
Find a good sponsor takes time. Sometimes people are too close to each other and being a sponsor isn't beneficial to either of them. It's one of the reasons significant others are urged not be each other's sponsors. BAD IDEA. Keep looking there are others out there.
I am sorry you are going through such a rough time. The beauty of our recovery is that we can restart it whenever we want to, just like Christy said. I make it a point never to disagree with her when she's right. If you need to take a day or two in bed, do so. I've had days when I just want to hide from the world. There's nothing wrong with that. Mental health days are good. Stepping back from the world to refresh oneself is healthy. Doing nothing and thinking about nothing is healthy for the body and soul. It's why we're suppose to take vacations. As long as you're not wallowing in self pity for a long period of time, it's okay. Don't forget you have also started new meds. I have always felt a bit off whenever I started new RXs. You might think about giving the pharmacist a call or the doctor to let them know about your hallucinations. They'll probably say it's nothing to worry about.
Take a deep breath. Take some time off from the world. Take care of Shelly. You're a strong woman with a strong program behind you. All will be well. This is taking life on life's terms. Dishes will be there another time, so will the house. It won't fall apart if you delay the cleaning a day or two. Nobody cares. When you're ready to tackle it, you will. It will feel great when you do it.
I've got some dusting and rearranging to do myself. Tomorrow is the day for me. I could get it done before work tonight, but I am taking the morning off for me. It's raining outside and I'm turning the news off. I'm spending the morning finishing a book and drinking coffee. It's a just for me morning. A small thing that will make work less stressful. Take good care of yourself. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I've had days when I just want to hide from the world. There's nothing wrong with that. Mental health days are good. Stepping back from the world to refresh oneself is healthy. Doing nothing and thinking about nothing is healthy for the body and soul. It's why we're suppose to take vacations. 
As long as you're not wallowing in self pity for a long period of time, it's okay. Don't forget you have also started new meds. I have always felt a bit off whenever I started new RXs. You might think about giving the pharmacist a call or the doctor to let them know about your hallucinations. They'll probably say it's nothing to worry about. 
and drinking coffee. 
It's a just for me morning. A small thing that will make work less stressful. Take good care of yourself. Much love and blessings to you and your family.