The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
remember how posted that i asked for a separation and that he was going to move out?
yeah, he hasn't moved out yet. hasn't even come up with a plan for what he would do, where he would stay. and at first, he was all nice, and sweet and i FOOLISHLY thought, "well... maybe...? maybe all i needed to say was 'get out'?" if you're thinking, "oh, xter, he stopped being nice, didn't he?" you are RIGHT!
i have so much anger right now, everyone. i'm praying for help to overcome it but it's bubbling up at odd times. if i don't vent it, i'm going to blow. and heaven forbid i lose my temper to AH. poor thing shuts down, can't handle it. grrr.
i need a kickboxing class or SOMETHING. maybe a pick-up soccer game so i can blow off some of this steam.
its so hard when they just freeze up like that and refuse to do anything at all- like get out. I had one who refused to shower, refused to move from the sofa, etc.
J- technically i could leave, but i just don't want to. we talked again this morning in a counseling session. he agreed to go. we're saying for now that it's for the rest of the summer until september-ish and we will reevaluate where we stand individually then. in the meantime he still wants to see me and the dogs. we're also going to try very hard to sell our condo. the bad thing is that neither of us can carry the mortgage on our own and neither of us can go rent another apartment AND pay half of the mortgage. he's going to have to depend on the charity of good friends (and learn a little humility) so he can still pay his half.
i feel incredibly guilty but good at the same time. i love that apartment. i know that i will have to leave it when we sell it, but until then i feel like since a-ism is the root of our problems and why we are in the state we are in, then i should be the one to have the comfort of staying put for now. besides, if i go to a friend's house, i'll have to bring my 2 unruly dogs and that's a lot for any friend to tolerate :)
An A is harder to get rid of than belly fat. No matter what has happened, what they said, you said, no matter...they stay, they come back. In my experience, it takes the A finding another enabler to go to before they will actually leave.
I can very much identify with you right now! The "logistics" of a separation are naturally hard enough without throwing in the fact that one party is an A. That makes a naturally difficult thing seemingly impossible to figure out.
I was just posting on my other thread about how I can't decide if and when to let him come home and for how long (just to pick up clothes....or for the weekend...or during outpatient if he really is gonna do that). Argh....there are so many different ways to handle a situation. It's so hard to Let Go and Let God when sometimes we are put in a situation where we literally HAVE to make a decision within a limited timeframe.
I feel for you!
Serendipity...great point about the other enabler. Makes sense...if they couldn't live without us being their "life support" for this long, then how can we expect to pull the plug on them without them trying to grasp it back from us? Makes perfect sense that they would either need us to "plug them back in" or need somebody else's electrical socket to take over.
Hmmm...I need a temporary backup generator with wheels. That could facilitate a transport to another enabler. :) lol I'm still trying to make myself laugh at least once a day!
I just posted a new thread about similar thing......I keep wanting to believe that there is hope for my marriage - to get the man back that I married. I actually saw glimpses of him this weekend.
So hard to know what the right thing is, but I can relate Xter to the whole - "how do we make separation work" thing.
I asked earlier this week. How many success stories are out there of couples who have recovered from all this. For how many was separation the thing that made the A get sober? Is there hope?
