The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's getting down to the crunch time , i meet my A birth father in three days and am feeling - i really don't know what i'm feeling . A mixture of everything , fear , nervous , a little lost , terrified . Sometimes i feel like a little girl again who just feels so hurt that her father left and didn't come back ever until now when i'm a grown women . Do I still need this man in my life or is it too late ? Most of all i'm scared of how i'm going to react . What if i don't want him in my life , what if it's just all too much and i can't let him in . Guess i'll just have to wait and see what happens . I've been doing a lot of praying and reading . Trying not to think about it too much but it's really hard . Can't sleep the past couple of nights , doing a lot of tossing and turning . It's going to take all the strength i have just to get on that plane . Needing some words of encouragement to get me past the next couple of days ....
Wow. I went to see my family after a long long break 10 years ago this winter. I am so glad I kept my expectaions small. Needless to say even with that my expectations of what dysfunctional people can do were way off. I was bitterly disappionted. If someone is dysfunctional I think its important to accept that and know they can give very very little.
I also know I can no longer predict the future in any relationship. Some of them do endure, others don't. If I do my part my conscience is clear.
Aloha Chevy...You are going as an adult...YAY!! Little Children I suppose would not have all the experiences with confusion and worrying and then little children would not have the skills and ability to secure themselves as an adult would. An Adult woman who is going to meet an Adult man who happens to also be her natural father. Basically two strangers meeting after a long time. One of the blessings of Al-Anon for me was slowing down and taking time to take time. I didn't have to rush and get "it" all done in a day. Another blessing was to learn how to be "interested" rather than be "interesting". I learned how to ask "How are you?" and "Tell me about yourself". Also you can trust him with the truth about yourself at the moment. "This is scary for me", and permit him to handle that statement on his own. Regardless you won't have all that much control anyway so make sure you make room and include your HP. Killing those expectations is a good first attitude.
Insupport
(((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Tuesday 28th of July 2009 03:43:44 PM
Don't get me wrong , i have absolutely no expectations when it comes to him . I'm just experiencing a lot of hurt from the abandonment issues i guess . The only reason i'm doing this is to move on and let go of the garbage of the past . My mother has been the steady constant rock all my life and will contiue to be as long as we are both alive . If it wasn't for her getting us out of the situation when we were very young , none of us would probably be alive . I believe things happen for a reason . This is one chapter in my life that i'm looking forward to closing ... better days ahead for sure , my higher power will get me there . Thanks for listening ! I love this this site , it's really helping !
I too just met my biological A father about 2 years ago. I never knew him but he had been around when I was a baby then my parents got a divorce and my mom remarried and my step father adopted me and gave me his last name. So I never even knew about this man until I was 10 years old, but that's another story for another time. I was so apprehensive and excited at the same time. My insides were like mush. Then I had to just remind myself that I had no control over the outcome and that I really wanted to meet this man. I had to release my apprehension and focus on the excitement. It was hard but I did it. I was still apprehensive because of the unknown factors but when I did meet him, it was still a feeling of numbness. I was happy to meet him but it was an overwhelming situation and I felt scared. But now we get along pretty good. It's a hard place to be but it is worth it, I think. I would do it over again, regardless of all of the jumbled and mixed up feelings beforehand. Good luck and I hope all goes well for you and your father.
Chevy, I encourage you to read my post on "The Value of Friends" , which I have just posted so it is a little further up the board from your post here.
You have got my friendship and support and prayers. I have enough faith and enough strength for the both of us right now.
You will be fine. You have years behind you now, experience, wisdom, strength and faith and friends that will uphold you right this minute.
Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Do let us know how you are and what you are feeling. The more you rely on this group and the board the better because this is a safe, warm, loving place to be. Some of us do not have family who can fill that role it doesn't mean we do not have the need for it or the right to it.
