Dealing with my sister - Al-Anon Family Group

katiecat · Veteran Member

Dealing with my sister

xter · Senior Member

my advice would be to start going to the chat meetings here and definitely go to the f2f whenever you can. being in the same room with people who are like you, who have experienced and are experiencing the same things you are is a wonderful feeling. i feel at home and at peace in my f2f meeting.

read the al anon literature out there too. i personally like the Courage to Change daily reader (there's a link at the bottom of this page).

you will find peace.

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

When you come here, go to chat and meetings here and in town face to face, your life will change for the better I promise.

Al Anon is how we heal from loving a very sick addicted person.

When we listen to them on the phone for one thing,we are helping them to not get help. Why should they get help when they get comfort from others. So they get sicker.

The chances are so much higher they will find their own help if we stop enabling the disease.

"Getting Them Sober" is a great book, Toby Rice Drew. I sure opened my eyes.

If I were you I would get caller id, or the cell phone says who is calling and not answer. First I would tell my person though that I will not be talking to you anymore if you are using. That you have to protect your own life.

The disease kills us too. We can get well enough to stop that.

I am glad you are here, keep coming back. There are miracles here, I have seen hundreds of them, and have been blessed with them myself!

Love,debilyn

katiecat · Veteran Member

Thank you so much for your quick replies. Just reading the message board here has helped me tonight. Thank you Debilyn for the book suggestion. I have the courage to change and will get it out and start reading it daily. I know I need to do something to change this to keep my little bit of sanity I have left. I don't know how to use the chat room (not to smart in that department...I didn't even know how to reply to what they were saying on the board...get there I guess.

Katiecat

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

Learning it is okay to say "No" and that No can be a complete a sentence, helped me a lot. If u arent in the mood to listen to her whine, then dont, it's ok. Learn to focus on you & not her. You cant change her, you can only change you. I had a lil ocd & when I first came here was extremely attached and obsessed with others. It is what I had done my whole life. By focusing on others and still being miserable, I had no self respect and I was irritated & tired constantly. Working a program, focusing diligently on me, changing me, setting & following thorugh on boundaries - all added to give me a radically new life, one that is worth living. This program truly works when u apply it & work it for you.

The way to get into the chat room, is to click on the words above at left undr "links" in the yellow that say Al-anon group meeting/chat room. Click on it & wait a minute or two, it takes a few minutes.

If u cant get in that way (& java may pop up & ask u to download) - open a new window and put in this link: www.12stepforums.net and click on the alanon chat room.

Focus on you & take care of you, whatever that looks like.

Temple · ~*Service Worker*~

Katiecat,
You got some good advice on here. I can't add anything, except to say that I would certainly urge you to not take calls from her when she is drunk. It obviously doesn't help her--it just alleviates some of her anxiety when she has you on the phone--and it drags you down.
Until I got called ID, I would go someplace, get out of the house on Fridays, if I had to.
It might, on some scale, be worth it to sacrifice your peace of mind if it were helping her.
It isn't, so I hope you decide to take care of you.
You are worth it.
Hugs,
Temple

wp · ~*Service Worker*~

See the yellow box upper left that says Alanon meeting chat room. Just come on in. We have meetings twice daily there and all other time is open chat for friends and relatives of problem drinkers.

Easy does it :) wp

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.