The material presented
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Is there anyone else here as nosey or curious as I am. I used to blame it on 20+ years in Security/Corrections where I was paid to be nosey but I've been out of that filed for 3 years now. Was on my facebook page today-hadn't been there for awhile and EXABF is NOT there. Did my thing and then saw a spot where you can search for friends.......sooooooo of course I type in his email addy and WHAM there it is. The SAD part was it was HIS email address and HIS first name but he used MY LAST NAME! I was shocked to say the least......So of course I messaged him and asked him when he got married-instead of just letting it go, and he emails my email acct acting like he has NOOOOOOOOOO idea what I am talking about. I know it was ALL my fault for being nosey but USING MY LAST NAME, to hunt women on a whole other site? That is just sick and sad........and then to act like he has no idea about it and LIE? This is the same man I defended for months because he was in the program and went weekly-he couldnt be anything bad...... Just rambling all over I know but I just can NOT get over him using MY last name after all the hurt and pain he has caused me and my son.........Who does that? What kind of person does that and lectures me about improving myself???? Sorry for the vent.........just a little ticked and even moreso sad.......and disappointed in myself
shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
There is a really great page in Courage to Change on 174 that I would suggest to you for today.
The page talks about a man who sits under a tree that has pigeons in it. The pigeons do what pigeons do best, and he becomes angry with them. He then later realizes that it was useless to get angry with the pigeons for doing what they do.
In the pst few weeks the f2f I attend this page has come up at least once a week.
I know for me I still get angry at my active alcoholic/addict for doing what actvie alcoholic/addicts do.
Take care of you.
Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Aw Hon, Don't beat yourself up. Hasn't he done enough of that to last you for a lifetime?
Yes, I would say that is pretty sick and twisted. I hope you think about how good it is that you aren't having to deal with him on a day to day basis. And even, apparently, only when you volunteer. That sounded snarky--wasn't meant that way. Trying to cheer you up.
I talk to a lovely man a couple of times a month who does healing. He says, "That's all in the past." And "You were just learning."
I leave you with those two little gems.
He also says, "As you know better, you do better." And you will.
Hugs, Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Isn't he actively addicted? He takes pain pills right? Honestly Shelly, it took me YEARS to understand that just because a person goes to or is even "active" in AA does not equal healthy.
You're doing just fine. You had a slip...happens. Everytime I have slipped I have learned something new about myself.
Hon, you are human and you are still here and workin it! Give yourself a big hug and some compassion. What would you say to me if I was you? Then say that to yourself.
Instead of downing yourself, you might try the STOP, I am curious. It is NOT a crime for petes sake! You wonder becuz you do, you have not gotten to the place where you are finished yet! It takes time to grow and realise, "wow I don't feel like I want to check on him anymore!"
You will do it until you are finished with it.
Remember there is no rationalizing insanity. NOT YOU, him. He is a very sick person.
It is like your getting upset and wondering what made your dog dig up your couch and bury a bone in it! lol It is the nature of the persons disease.
When I stopped beating myself up, no one was harder on me than me, is when I really started healing.
So STOP those negative thoughts! (o: uh oh telling you what to do. I invite you to stop those negative thoughts! hugs,debilyn
Thanks everyone for the ESH. I've been pretty sick all week-went to the Dr Friday and am feeling better today. I'm sure HALT played a part:)
The EXABF actually emailed me back and PRETENDED like he had NO IDEA what I was talking about. What a sickness.......I guess sober and in recovery is not healthy at all sometimes. I pointed out to him EXACTLY how I found it out and he never responded. I guess I shouldn't have rubbed it in but I did-I was super angry not over him doing it but over him using my last name.
I'm not beating myself up today. I slipped and it is over and done. Today is a new day and "what was dirty can become clean" and "as I know better I can do better"
Thanks all~ Peace and clarity, Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Triggers are huge things. I know if I came across any news about my ex I'd have a reaction. Do a u turn and get back no need to beat yourself to a pulp.
Shelly, I looked on facebook for my STBXAH just last week, new photo of him in his apartment in grand turk, new people on the board, drinkers, photos of loads of booze bottles behind a bar etc. still made me feel lousy...did it to myself and knew even as i did it that i should not. Like you i cant help just looking and feel peeved as it sets me back, gave me bad dreams, made me angry all over again at his abandonment. But as is said here, we are just not there yet and i look forward to being there..dont you? Hugs Lilly
