The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Do most A's drinking or sober continue to maintain the same type of behavior patterns for life-drunk or sober and in recovery? I remember reading somewhere that they were like a Boomerang-they always come back.
Have managed to maintain No Contact with EXABF for over a month......the longest time so far since he and I split. And then last Saturday, he contacted me via myspace. He said he was glad my son was ok (my son almost drown during vacation), and that the world would not know what to do without him and that he hoped my interview went well also. I tried to fight my anger towards him for it was his choice to not even tell my son goodbye or speak to him when he saw us out-yet he emails his thankfulness to me????? I trust he is right where he needs to be and so am I and I pray daily for my HP to bless that with everything good I could want for myself. There is still a lot of hurt feelings there and I wonder somedays, even though I am moving forward, if I'll ever get over the betrayal and hurt he inflicted on me?????? I pray I do.
This lets me know that he is still reading my posts and visiting my page-which is fine if that is what he wants to do. But again it "triggers" my disease. I fought like for two days after to NOT snoop on his page-but I broke. I looked, I snooped and I felt bad-OF COURSE! I knew I would. But I didn't feel bad about what I saw/read-and of course the list of female "friends" grows on-lol, but I felt bad for my actions knowing how they NORMALLY affect me and how I fell into the same old behavior pattern that I thought I had broken, and how contact with/from him "triggers" things in me.
Time is healing the old wounds he left. though the scars will take a lot longer I'm sure. I'm stronger, more focused on my program and counting my blessings daily. I'm dating some and enjoying it for what it is. My walls are being replaced by boundaries-I'm no longer willing to accept the unacceptable that comes to many of us in choosing life with an A, or others for that matter. It is a long, long journey, hard at times, and full of tests but I am making it through. I just wonder some days if EXABF will ever be happy with the choice that HE made, and just let it go and walk away completely like he wanted???
thanks for letting me share Shelly
-- Edited by debilyn on Friday 24th of July 2009 12:46:00 PM
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Aw Shelly, I think you are doing great! You seem to have so many realizations going. Sometimes' it is easier to see progress from the outside looking in. I hope you can feel it inside.
Great share, Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
I'm having bf problems right now so this strikes a note with me. I remember walking away from my EX AH it sucks. There's no way around that. Can't you block him on myspace so he can't mail you and delete him from your friends or something? It's hard to totally sever the cord. I'm trying to decide what I'm going to do about my normally wonderful BF who hasn't spoken to me in nearly a week and gets angry with me when I try to contact him. Do I give him time or tell him to take a flying ##^#? I know that when I do say that I cut all ties tho, no question about that. It would take a monumental show of pure love for me to consider ever seeing him again after I make the decision.
Shelly my experience is they hang on because someday they made need us for something. That being nice stuff is usually just plain, old, manipulation.
Look what it does to you? Gets your sickness going and you jump on the ladder and climb on down into his pit.
From what I see, A's do not like to be alone. If they are not using in a group they are living with another like them and use. They are very insecure people.
You are probably the closest thing to real he has ever known.
with everything good I could want for myself. There is still a lot of hurt feelings there and I wonder somedays, even though I am moving forward, if I'll ever get over the betrayal and hurt he inflicted on me?????? I pray I do. 