The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm feeling so much better today it's like night and day. My boyfriend who I have seen and/or talked to every day for the past six months (today is our anniversary) has decided that he won't talk to me anymore which has driven me completely insane for the past 4 or 5 days and I have acted like a crazy woman calling and texting. I hate for things to be unresolved without explanation. Finally, I am beginning to see that I deserve better than this. Today my mood is much more upbeat and chipper. I got up and went to the exercise room this morning and started that again which makes me feel better and got out a lot of those icky feelings. I have been filling up my social calendar (at first I was sure he would be back any moment and I needed that time for him I'm past that now). I have plans for most of the weekend either working or getting out with other friends and I have decided that I am not going to wait around for him to come to his senses and he better pray to god that I am still willing to talk to him by the time he does.
I am going tomorrow to the courthouse to file the undisciplined minor complaint on my daughter for the third time now. I talked to the people she is staying with yesterday and the dad wants her out and says she is being inappropriate with their son. All of her friends are boys she doesn't get along with other girls. She is going to a differen't boy's house Sunday where she has to act like an "angel" according to her. Meaning no foul language, being inappropriate, etc. I am sick of being put onto the legal treadmill with her and keep being offered counseling when I have been doing it for two years and nothing has worked yet. I talked to her on the phone yesterday and she was hostile and told me the boyfriend drama is my bad karma for telling her to get out. I can tell she misses talking to me though and that gave me hope that maybe she will be willing to make some changes so that we can live together. I am hoping that her living with other people will show her that home isn't so bad and that maybe she needs me more than she thought she did.
I found a place for my other two kids to go this weekend and maybe next weekend too so that has been a serious relief. I will be able to go to work on friday and saturday night and maybe get out for myself too.
Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut, going to file that petition, going with a friend to test drive a car, taking my kids to their friends houses to stay the weekend and working then going out with one of my guy friends.
I'm very clearly seeing now how I gave up myself to get as much of that love drug as possible and neglected my own stuff. It's so easy to fall into that trap, the love feels so good but when it's gone it sure feels bad. I wish I could find balance but I can say I think I'm getting better at this. The worst part is that this all started around his drug addict brother and him wanting to rescue him. I got mad about that and said some harsh words then he "forgot" to show up at my house and spend the day with me on my day off and it has spun out of control from there. Stupid drugs and alcohol!
I am spending a lot of time thinking about what I really need in a relationship. Funny how each one teaches you a little more about what you needed that you didn't get or what you did that you shouldn't have. In this case stability (not running when things get hard), good communication (not bottling up and exploding or shutting down). Those are things I need in a relationship. For me not giving up all of my time and energy on the one I love.
Carolina, who in the world would put an out of control, troubled, at risk teen age girl in a home that has BOYS!
I am so fed up with this. I don't care if the people she goes to are nice people. Kids still mess around. No one watches them all the time. So now even after being inappropriate with boys in one home, she is going to another one with boys?
Um what is the definition of insanity. Carolina she is now on her path to fifty homes in four years or less.
If she becomes a ward of the court, nothing good is coming.
I guess I don't relate to your feeling better.
love,debilyn
-- Edited by debilyn on Friday 24th of July 2009 03:30:55 AM
as a teacher in an alternative school, (for those students who have been expelled from their regular public school for various offenses i.e. felonies, drugs, runaways etc), I have seen kids end up in the legal system and the primary reason is lack of parenting. I would be diligent w/ spending as much time w/ ALL of my children and attempting to establish or re-establish the sense of security and emotional well-being. My activities that would take me away from my kids would be put on the back burner. I know that it is hard but it is vital to raising healthy happy children. and that generally translates into our own sense of self-worth and accomplishment that we raised good people.
this is my own take on the situation-take what you would like.................what you don't like-leave it!
I am glad that you are feeling better about things. I am sorry you are going through this with your daughter. Not being a parent I have no feedback for you. I am not in your shoes and can't imagine what it must be like. I am sure you are doing what is best for your family.
Sometimes doing the smallest things for ourselves can be the healthiest. I can't wait to get my haircut on Thursday. It's the sweetest 1/2 hour. I always feel like I'm ready to tackle the rest of the world after I get it done.
You can't force someone to talk to you. Or you can't force them into recovery. I tried so hard to get my sister into Alanon. I was beating my head against the wall. All we can do is offer to help them. The rest is up to them. We have to take care of ourselves. Hope all works out for you. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
