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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> So tired
Post Info TOPIC: So tired
Mariner


Senior Member

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So tired
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Hi (((All)))

Have been going through too much lately and am so depressed.

Yesterday I went to the funeral of a good friend. John was only 43, he died because of the disease of alcoholism. John had been through so much in his life, conquered many battles but in the end he couldnt win over alcohol. I'll miss his lovely smile and generous heart, God Bless him and give him the peace he never had in this life.

I have also had a bit of a reality check regarding my ex Abf. We are still or have been very much together, recently he has been relying on me even more you would be forgiven for thinking we were a couple. But do know what WE ARE NOT and I have suddenly woken up to that fact. I see now what I have been doing. I have been loving him, caring for him, providing food, love and all my time and emotion beacause I believed he loved me too and would announce undying love for me and come back to me as a proper partner. Typical codependant behaviour, trying harder and harder to keep him when really I should of let go. I know its the pain of abandonment I'm trying to avoid, but in doing that I'm causing myself even more pain. He on the other hand has no understanding of love and probably doesnt even think of me other than when he needs something. Harsh reality I know but I think its the truth. He's not a bad person he's just incapable of being the partner I need. I love him dearly but thats my problem not his.

I'm so very tired of it all, I just want to sleep. I dont want to live like this for another year so I've got to stop it. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I think I've reached my rock bottom.  Time to give some of that love to myself I deserve better.

Thank you for letting me share

With Gratitude Carol

-- Edited by Mariner on Wednesday 22nd of July 2009 02:41:46 AM

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Karilynn


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3656
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(((Carol))),

I am so sorry on the loss of your friend.  At least he is at peace now and not battling this horrible disease.  You've come to a huge understanding in your life.  Your right, nothing changes if nothing changes.  Thank your for that reminder.  Remember change comes slowly and in baby steps.  So be gentle with yourself. You'll make the changes you want.  Of that I have no doubt.  Saying an extra prayer for you in your time of loss.  Love and blessings to you.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers pray.gif

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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Rita G


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1491
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((Carol))

Hate so much for your loss of your dear friend - praying for comfort for you and his family!

As for the BF - most of our A's are really good people affected by an awful disease. I pray that you find your strength, courage and wisdom to make the changes that will help you to live Happy, Joyous and Free - as you deserve.

HUGS,
Rita


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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK - teamwork.gif
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