The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So hears how it goes; my nephew who is 19 years old & not married got his "so-called girlfriend pregnant & thought he was gonna coast through being a father. My opinion which probably doesn't really matter, is that because he has bipolar disorder, he probably shouldn't have any kids! Now here's the bottom line: his girlfriend lost the baby on Friday, the 17th of this month. My guilt is that basically I prayed & hoped that they wouldn't actually have the baby. I feel OK with the fact that my nephew was not ready to be a father, but I also feel bad that he has to go through this time losing his first child. Maybe I am really just jealous or envious because of my mental condition, I cannot have children as it has been suggested by practically everyone I know. Am I disappointed, you bet! But...I guess that doesn't mean I am the one who has a right to tell him how he should live his life! Am I getting the point across? So..here I sit feelin' guilty & relieved at the outcome. Does anyone out there know what I mean & how I feel about all this? Call me selfish or whatever. Kathleen
hate that you nephew & his girlfriend lost their child - regardless of the situation it is a loss.
As far as the guilt for you - if I were in your shoes - I'm thinking I would probably have a mixture of emotions. I would hope that I would remember what the program tells us - feelings are just that FEELINGS - not facts.
I would try to use the tools of the program to process those emotions - know that no feeling is right or wrong - it is what it is - a feeling. I can put it thru the steps, journal it, give it to my HP and ask my HP to help me work thru whatever I need to - to grow and learn, and face the next day with a deeper knowledge of me.
((Hugs to you Kathleen))
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I don't think feelings are necessarily bad. You certainly didn't act on those feelings. Anyone would be concerned who had a nephew who was about to have a disaster happen. Really you do not have to crucify yourself about this.
If I was in your shoes I too would worry about the welfare of a child being born into Bipolar and/or anything else, hell now a days Alcoholism is just as bad... As we can all see from these boards, your feelings were out of love and that is not a bad thing...
If you didn't love them you wouldn't worry about them... I worry everyday that my 18 yr old neice will someday end in the same boat for her parents are both "A" and she has very little "self Control", she jumps in bed with about anyone, and I know one day, it will happen if she doesn't change her life... But like you, There really isn't much I can do, but talk to her, give her my take, and see what happens...
