The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I was stewing all day....(reacting??) I came to discover through snooping (yes, snooping ) that my sober aH was taking some over the counter medication that I didn't think was a good idea. I have my reasons for why I feel the way I do, and I feel scared about the situation. I mentioned it to my aH (which means I forcefully accused ) and bottom line is that he didn't feel the same about it as I did.
It ruined my day. We didn't talk about it any further (which is a big big big progress on my part) but I stewed about it all day. Finally my sulkiness got to him (which if I was honest, was exactly what I wanted ) and he blew up a little bit at me, accusing me of never just having a good day, etc.
I got a few hours to myself last night and I was still thinking about the situation and I thought, "is this even any of my business?" If my best friend were doing the same thing would I feel the same entitlement to "right" them?" I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't. I would say to my best friend, "This concerns me. I am worried about you taking this medication because __________" Ending with a "if there is anything you need from me to help with this situation, please let me know". And then, I would leave it at that.
And so, I think that I will do the same with my aH and try to let it go.
I think you have answered your own question. You show very good insight and honesty into the situation. It's hard with our loved ones. I still remember the fear when Tim was perscriped pain medication before and after his surgery. I had to remind myself he wasn't dually addicted. Alcohol was his drug of choice. Yes there were days when I wanted to pick a fight with him too. It happens. We are human beings. The fact that you know what you were doing is really good. You have a solide program in place. All will be well. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I was obsessed with the ex A for well over 7 years. In fact I only stopped obsessing when I started working on detaching as hard as I did the obsessing. You have that choice. You can get out of this way of thinking. Whatever the A does you have very little control of.
One of the things I learned along the way was to listen...yes even to the feedback and perceptions of my alcoholic wife. What is your take on your alcoholics statement about you and having good days? How close did he come to a needed change and can you address his perception? Mine did have her values when it came to helping me focus. I see this as an opportunity to dignify your alcoholic husband's choices to take care of himself. Let go and Let God.
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) and bottom line is that he didn't feel the same about it as I did.
) and he blew up a little bit at me, accusing me of never just having a good day, etc.
