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I think I might be finally getting this detachment thing down...
The kids and I were at the beach today, and my ex-AH called... 17 times in 45 minutes, left four messages. He's been doing medical studies to earn money and got $50 in cash yesterday... He actually asked me to meet him at the subway station (30 minutes away) and give him some money, because he didn't have any. I told him I didn't either, and I wasn't able to do that. He'd been drinking again. I told him I couldn't help him and hung up.
The kids were there and heard my end of the conversation. My oldest (10-year-old daughter) started in immediately, wanting to know if Daddy did it again. I just told her he was an adult, and we had no control over what he did, but we weren't going to let it ruin our day. Then we all went back in the water, and she surprised herself by jumping off the diving board for the first time! She was so proud of herself - and I was, too.
Consequences can be unpleasant - but I have to live with the consequences of my actions, and so does he. My 6-year-old understands: she couldn't watch TV today because she hit and pinched me yesterday. But her dad doesn't quite seem to have grasped that yet. He left another message a half hour later, saying he understood why I "didn't want to help him" and he'd sleep outside tonight since I wouldn't, but hoped I'd talk to him tomorrow.
Off to put the kids to bed... hope everyone has a good weekend.
That's the stuff! Good for you! I don't know why, but everytime I read about another Alanon standing up for herself and setting boundaries, it makes me feel stronger, too.
(((((((Linda)))))))
Way to go! Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
You certainly did get detachment down. What people don't realize is that it is such a stress reliever when you have that tool in your back pocket. You did great. Congrats to your daughter on going off the diving board! I was always a bit of a coward when it came to going off the diving board (especially the high dive). It wasn't my favorite thing to do. Not good considering Dad was a swim and diving coach! lol Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
He understood why you didnt want to help him and he would be sleeping outside tonight. Sounds like an emtional hook to me to try and get you to feel guilty and start to rescue again. WELL DONE for letting him face the consequences of his actions. This is the only hope he has of ever facing reality and getting better. As for the kids I just explain that dad is ill and that he loves them I have to be on constant guard that I dont pass by bitterness and resentments on to them. I used to take my drinkers illness personally it hurt so much. It feels so much nicer to know he does love me but is ill. I dont want my kids to think their dad doesnt love them so I try to educate them about the illness and help them to seperate the disease from their dad.
Alcoholism is a family disease . . . had you chosen to leave and help the A, your kids would have suffered too. As the former child of an A, I hated when my Mom's choices to help my Dad ruined things for us. I am advocate for parents who choose to put their children before the disease. So proud of you and happy for the kids.
I love the DETACH acronym - Don't Even Think of Changing Him/Her.
Glad you and the kids had a wonderful day, 1 point for families, 0 for the disease, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Congrats to your daughter on going off the diving board! 
