The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
Well last night was my Neices birthday party, and yes it was justMe, My Momma, ASister, ABrother, the 4 kids, my AStep Father, my Aunt Who by the Grace of God still puts up with us ;)
So I had a very nervous stomach pulling in, luckly the kids were in full swing, so that was a wonderful distraction. And God love my Son for being the Clown that he is, I see so much of me in him for he uses his humor to over come his emotions as well...
Not a word of ABrothers Shananigins did I listen too, everytime I got in a room with ASister and he wasn't around she would start, and I would just get up and leave the room, after a while she caught on.. Then she would constantly remind me about Not Seeing the Kids again after that day, (Going to Floridia), but I would remain strong, and save my emotions for ME. Didn't feel the kids needed anymore stress seeing me in a tear fest... ASister always does that, she try's to bring EVERYONE down...
My Mom was in full load mode were she would not sit down, in fear she would cry, so she just kept running in circles, thank goodness My Aunt was there (Her Older Sister) and told her on more then one occassion... "Go Enjoy the Kids, I Got this"...
I came home feeling empty over the thought of lossing them, but glad that I carried myself so well with all the other "A's" in my life, my heart has a huge hole were the kids are involved, and I have been pray'n my butt off that they understand how much we will miss and always love them.
My Son is a mess because with our family being so close, he was taught to treat them like a brother and sister, and he was the oldest so they truly looked up to him, so he is loosing a piece of himself in all this as well...
The AMother is to come up Monday, and I guess leave next week with them, in my own selfishness, I pray her plans don't work out...I know that is wrong, but she has already given away her oldest child, and I fear what these two will have to live thru without their family around...
I am getting better, I am accepting the things I "Can not Change", but I still have my emotions in a huge knot right now, and I am just tryin to bring my self back up for air... I'm trying not to project, I'm trying not to let this over take me, and I know I have to be just as strong for my son, as I do for myself...So as the tears flow I am still trying to just Hand it over, to HP... Sometimes I know I can, and other moments I am not so sure... I guess only time will tell if I am truly going in the direction HP wants for me... I am truly trying to keep my Faith for that is my strength, and what carries me thru most of my Recovery for sure...
Asking for some prayers if you can spare them, and some ESH if ya got it :) I am most grateful to have such a wonderful MIP family to share my journey with, and to give me the strength I need to see it thru...
One idea I heard, don't know if it might work for you, is someone wrote cards to the children he was no longer able to see - but he mailed them to himself, at his own address.
(He probably mailed some to where they were too, in case one of them got through - I think it was a case of mail getting intercepted and not given to the children...)
So years later, he was able to pull out the pile of mail, and give it to the now-grown child, and say, I wanted so much to be a part of your life then, and I'm so sorry it didn't work out that way, but here's proof I was thinking about you and loving you the best I could.
I hope they WILL be able to write. When you help your son write to THEM, maybe enclose a self-addressed stamped envelope for a reply.
