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I have not posted in a while. Things have been really crazy both good and bad. My BF has been sober for about 3 months now. But lately he has been really moody. I understand that things are stressful at work for him but for the past 2 weeks he has been yelling at me and getting mad at the smallest things I do.
He will make it personal and say that I am a drama queen and I act like a victim just like my mom does. All of this yelling has started up my depression/anxiety.
We have only had sex a couple of times since he has been sober. He tries to say that its my fault but I am the only that always wants to but he never does.
If he is a 'Dry Drunk' how long does it last? Can someone please enlighten me? Thanks and I hope everyone is have a wonderful day.
CC, My drunk is dry now about 30 days. (rehab and a week home). I am just starting out but know how you feel. I posted a message last night after a fight we had over the friends she has met in rehab. People with personal problems far from her own. Although, they all share the addiction problem. Have you been to an al anon meeting?
get yourself a copy of the book, Getting Them Sober by toby rice drews - it will help u a lot with this situation... so many ppl I talk to that have dry, active or recvoering A's have said it is fantstic & helps tremdendously to shed light on what is happening.
Of course he blames you, that's what A's do, so they dont have to take responsibility for their behavior. Don't buy it. Also, I've heard the sex thing does become an issue - again dont let him blame you. My exAH used to withhold sex as a way of punishing me.
He will be a"dry drunk" until he gets into sobriety which menas he is working a 12 step program, dealing with his issues & unresolved emotional baggage. He will always be an A, so even if he did get into sobriety, u would still see some a-isms. Work on you, it's all u can change or control anyway - get to meetings, share, open up, get the stuff out. Learn to focus on you, work you program, love yourself first, detach with love from his issues & ur life will improve tremendously. It truly does work if u work it ~ so work it, ur worth it.
If u cant get to mtgs, come to the online forum, we have two mtgs every single day & there is always someone in there to talk to who will understand & has very likely been through a similar situation or circumstance. You are not alone.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
My experience is that it lasts a long time unless they work a program. You need to work your program - meetings, sponsor, read the literature if you can. Good luck!
I find the withholding sex thing interesting becasue my husband has done that to me. About a year ago he just stopped trying. He would not have sex with me unless I initiated it. He has been off and on recovering. So I guess his drinking has been rocky. I just couldn't understand why physically he just stopped... I'd like to think I am a young attractive person. Whenever we go out in public together we get many compliments on how nice we look together... I assumed that maybe others found me attractive but, maybe he didn't... which might be the case but, I think I'm hearing what other people are saying on here and understanding a little more...
My husband was like this at first too when he first started the program. I found that the first 3 months were brutal. He was ancy all the time, he would get all over me for the smallest nonsense, and he was just bitter. It was like he couldn't bear to be in his own skin. I am ebarassed to admit that there were days where he was just so unbearable that I almost wished he would take a drink because it would take some of the heat off me and I could get some relief. Ofcourse I never truly wanted that because I'd take a million days of his cranky sobriety over 1 hour of him being drunk.
But in the program the 90 day mark is a big milestone, and it was to him as he kept saying "I just want to make it to 90 days, need to get that chip" almost as if he needed to prove it to himself that he was capable of a sober life. Becuase before he hit that mark, I don't think he believed he could do it, and I think he almost worried that all the work he was doing was a waste of time because he wasn't confident in himself yet. And because of that lack of confidence, coupled with a new stressfule job, a lot of times he would take it out on me.
But once he hit the 3 month mark, it got a lot better. Little bits, day by day, as he gained more and more confidence in himself.
If BF's in the program, things should start to get better. Keep your head up and keep taking care of YOURSELF.
