The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just recently started attending Al-Anon meetings in my local area. So far I have only been handful of times. I am committed to going but most of the time I find it really, really hard. I haven't been able to say anything during the open meeting because I just feel sick and it's hard to open to people face to face. (I know that will get better, it's just hard to face up to something you have been trying to avoid all your life).
I have joined this board 'cos I thought it might be easier to share and receive here. I have a lot to say.. is there a good place to start here, anything recommended to read on the board etc? I am not quite sure what I am asking but I hope you get me!
Just say what's in your heart and mind. Many of us have babbled here about our problems, so that's nothing new. When I first found this board, I was definitely relieved to have a place where I could vent my frustrations and people would not judge me and completely understand where I was coming from.
Welcome and say what you like - that's why we're here.
Hi Varda, I did not utter a single word for well over 6-8 months when I started al-anon meetings. Its really good to listen. Even when I move to a new area and need to find new meetings, I really need to listen and get "the lay of the land". Its OK not to say anything. just getting your butt through the doors is a miracle. Keep going back and keep coming here- its half the battle: just show up. hugs, J.
Hi, I am pretty new to this too. I joined up a few weeks ago and have only been to visit the site a few times. I don't think I will ever be able to go to a face to face meeting or a counsellor ( even though I know I should) so I came here because if I didn't do something I would go crazy. For the very short time I have been online I have found a feeling of overwhelming support and feel I can just type anything or reply to anyone posts(like I am doing now!) and whoever reads them and even better still, replies to me makes me feel a million times better than when I logged on. I started by telling a bit about my story and felt so much comfort when I realised that everyone here really already knows my story as they have felt it themselves and they have given me great words of encouragement.
Aloha Varda...having the courage to show up somewhere for help is the start. As you continue with a commitment to yourself it will get tons easier and better.
You can't start at the top in the program so take your time and keep reaching out for help and guidance. At first we come to get and after a while we come to give back. You're in the right place.
Keep going to your f2f meetings, and keep coming back here. It will get easier and easier I promise. You don't realize it yet, but you have found two new families who care about you and will help you in any way they can.
You might consider starting a conversation with a long time member of your f2f group after the meeting. I am sure they will be glad listen and share with you, and it will be an easy way for you to break the ice. Just know they are there for you, just as we are. Keep coming back.
Thank you everyone for your such kind welcomes. I really appreciate it I was a bit nervous posting for the first time, but I did feel even before I did post that this would be a warm and caring community. Even just posting my first message helped me feel that I was doing something positive and taking some control back into my life.
Thank you for what you said about meetings Jean4444 and Jerry F. It really reassured me. I sit in the f2f meetings and other people are sharing, and I feel I am just not on the same plane as them. However, they do say how they have been coming for years, 10 or more in some cases, so I think I am being hard on myself comparing myself to them.
It is really good to listen, thanks to you all for encouraging me. At the moment, as other people are sharing at the f2f meeting I am thinking about so many things, finding I can identify with their experiences comparing mine to theirs, trying to work out what to say, what I think I should say (I know that I needn't think like that). I end up feeling very tense, nauseous and upset (inside) because sitting there forces me to face up to the experience of living with The A, something which I try to avoid (unsuccessfully) the other 6 days and 22 hours of the week. If I actually opened my mouth I feel I would cry and probably just talk and talk. I guess by progressing through the steps it gets easier, has anyone experienced this feeling when at meetings? Does it get any easier?
RLC, thanks for your advice. One of the members of the f2f group who has been going a long time spoke to me at the end of the meeting last week, and invited me to call her to talk more. I can't quite bring myself to call her yet, although I am so glad she offered. I am afraid I will just fall apart on the phone if I start talking about things. I think by being part of the family here I can start to make steps to express myself.
Quite simply, my story is my mum is problem drinker. I am 31 and no longer live at home. However, throughout my whole childhood my mom's drinking and behaviour was a big influence on me. Although I live a couple of hours from her now, her behaviour can still affect me (and I let it). I've had two years of counselling, read helpful books, and yet right now I feel I am at the worst point ever in my life. I feel like I am completely fearful of everyone, every situation. I avoid difficult situations and confrontations, and I know by my avoidance I miss out on the richness of life. I know that I am not the person I want to be and I need help to get there. I guess I am at the first step or nearing it! I guess you have to go down into the depths to come up again. I got married a few months ago and this has contributed all the more to my resolve. He is so supportive and sees the potential in me, and that makes me want to realise that potential. I want to get there!
Anyway, I hope I haven't gone on too long, thanks for reading and the wonderful welcome I am really glad to be part of things here. Varda
That was a wonderful post, and for what it is worth, you also have a wonderful way of expressing yourself. You are going to be fine, you are definitely in the right place, here and going to f2f meetings. Your life will only get better. Absorb all the program you can, listen to others in the meetings, keep coming back here and posting, read all the material you can get on the subject. You will know when the time is right for you to tell your story in the meeting. Until then you know the old saying, " You can always learn more by listening than by talking."
