The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I am pretty new here. And I have been in the chat room and at some of the meetings. I have met some wonderful people and they have giving me some great advice. But how to you do it. I mean the advice you get. Here is a little history of my situation. Right now my husband is serving 88 days in county jail for his 3rd DWI. He has went to rehab and AA and has been sober since this febuary. I have known my husband for 15 years. I am best friends with his sister. Been with my husband 2 years and married one year. Before this marriage I was married to a psycho for 17 years. Very controlling and did not have a job. So I had to support my 3 kids and the household. Anyways I got some great advice that while my husband is in jail that this is my time. Time to take care of myself. But how do you do it. I can't seem to function without him. I just go through my routine each day and thats it. My friends and kids say your strong you will make it through this. (probably cause all the bs I had to put up with before they think I am strong) Well I don't want to be strong. I know I can't change what has happened and each day brings me closer to him coming home. But why am I so dependent on him? And I want to take care of myself but can't even get started on that. And why? Thanks for any input. And thank you for all those I chatted with you have been wonderful.
Jan
-- Edited by debilyn on Sunday 12th of July 2009 12:38:03 PM
Sounds like you could be codependent? Try to google it and read about it. Im sure many can relate to you and will give you helpful responses. All that I really have to say is keep coming back for YOU!! Alanon will help!
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Taking care of you can be done in many ways. As I understand it, it is more about doing things you like to do and focusing on your well being, along with keeping yourself healthy.
It's pretty difficult to find ourselves when our happiness revolves around someone else and what they do (which we have no control over). Alanon teaches us to consider ourselves first and find happiness within instead of externally. Take time for yourself. Find a favorite place to visit. A park, a friend..whatever. Treat yourself to a movie, lunch with a friend etc. Do things you like to do.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
At first you can't do it...like yourself I didn't know what it meant or how so I couldn't do it. The language of letting go and letting God and self care and focusing on myself was foreign. That was not how I was raised and how I was taught and I wouldn't learn it until I had no place to go and was dead in the water. When I got to the Al-Anon Family Groups I was clueless...I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know. Something was absolutely wrong and I didn't have a name for it and instuctions on what to do with it. My life revolved around my alcoholic wife and all of the events that come around with alcoholism. I lived my life in reaction to her's and without her I didn't have any clues on what to do next. I got into Al-Anon by some weird Devine intervention. I don't care how it happened; that it happened is what has saved my life. The people who had gone thru it before me were in the rooms and had the solutions. They are also here. I was required to only sit down in the meetings, listen with an open mindd and after the meetings ask different members for additional help and experience beyond what I heard in the meeting. AHA!! so that's what this is and that is what's been happening to me and that is why I am stuck!!
While he is in jail? Go to the phone book and look for the hotline number for Al-Anon. Next? call the number and find the times and locations for meetings near you. Next? go to the earliest one you can get to and do what I did...Sit down, Listen with an open mind, ask for additional help after the meeting. If they invite you to speak that's optional you can try telling your story or just pass until the meeting end and you can talk with someone else after the meeting. Get lots of information from the pamphlet table and read it all.
