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Someone I care a great deal about is getting ready to do something I would normally advise against... she's going to marry an alcoholic... me!!
I was married before. 5 years drinking, then 5 years sober. Then 15 years sober and single, over 12 without being in any kind of real relationship. We've been together now more than two years and will tie the knot very soon. It will be my second marriage but my first wedding. First time was court with a couple family members including her alcoholic mother, who showed up at 10 am already drunk. This time will be with 80 friends and family and no alcohol will be served. I invited some of my closest friends from AA - wish I could afford a bigger party because I could invite 100 friends from AA, because without my sobriety there would be no wedding and no friends and certainly not much of a life if life at all.
It sure is different. I've heard it said that a man marries a woman hoping she won't change, and a woman marries a man hoping he will change. That describes my first marriage perfectly... she changed, I didn't - even though I made the most significant change in my life - getting sober - in the middle of that marriage. It wasn't the right change or enough change for her. This time, I think we're both too old to change... LOL. We've been around each other to have seen the worst (or at least my sober worst) and still want to be together.
I hope that she has the good sense to walk away should I ever drink again. And I hope that I never have to find out what her response would be to a relapse on my part. And that's the advice I'd give anyone who wants to marry a sober alcholic.
One day at a time and no projections or unrealistic expectations and always with HP as a threesome. Should work...I pray it does for you both. (((((hugs)))))
Congratulations!!! I, too, love happy endings. Not the Cinderella fantasy-type (though those are good ) but the kind where a couple is committed to each other and loves each other through the good, the bad and the ugly. I once had someone share this quote to me (with the source unknown), "Commitment will set you free; doubt will undermine the mission."
Best wishes for a lovely day, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Quote .....'I've heard it said that a man marries a woman hoping she won't change, and a woman marries a man hoping he will change'.....
I married my husband 35ish yrs ago......he's only now beginning to change, nothing to do with me, and I don't like it...he was just fine the way he was
How has he changed?.....he whines, moans, sleeps and f...s a lot, thinks he's gods gift to me (he is really but there's no way I'd tell him that) and persists in dancing at weddings or anywhere else he can indulge in his 'man' dancing.... when he knows he really shouldn't.....I mean he REALLY SHOULD NOT!!
I wish you a much deserved 'continuing' happy life......Slainte Mha (good health) and Sonas (happiness)...wee bit of Scottish gaelic for you....
Thank you everybody for the kind words and wishes. I should also mention that I will be playing the bari sax at the reception. It will be my first performance before an audience larger than a handful since my high school days (and that was a different instrument). I'm planning to do one tune, if it goes well enough maybe another. The sax - as well as a couple of the guys in the *pro* band that are doing the gig - were an important part of my recovery-to-singleness years. We aren't doing karaoke, just bari-oke....
) but the kind where a couple is committed to each other and loves each other through the good, the bad and the ugly. I once had someone share this quote to me (with the source unknown), "Commitment will set you free; doubt will undermine the mission."