The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow, this is a surprise on me this week! i've not done al-anon in eighteen months f2f or online! I practice in all my movements on a daily basis! After three years continued al-anon it kind of becomes a part of you! I have remained friends with some from the site and keep in daily contact with them! I still read up on things online and continue to learn about the effects of Alcoholism!
I started working with a new partner last year and it emerged her brother was an active A! It's been kind of crazy as i've been giving her the support from an al-anon point of view! And she is grateful that i have taken the time with her! I've told her it's no big deal and also helping me in a way!
A quick rundown of my life the last eighteen months! First and for most i have finally started to grow up! I'm finding my independence, my personality is amazing, i smile, laugh, go to bed with a smile on my face, waken in the morning wearing that same smile! I'm learning to just "let go" stay inside my hula-hoop, and remind myself what's outside of it is NOT my business!
After thirteen years of caring for the terminally ill with Social Services, i have been teaching myself photography for the last year! I also write short stories, journals, poem's! I've now taken the biggest challenge of my life after jumping ten thousand feet from a plane last year, and i'm going back to school at 38 OMG!!!! I'm going to college for "photography" in the hope of becoming a photo-journalist! As well as now putting myself out there with the hope of becoming a freelance photographer! I have support and i'm working my heart out to make this a reality! It's my dream, i'm not living it, i'm creating it!
I'm as crazy as you could imagine, for anyone who remembers me, well, i'm ten times worse today, as i learned how to live in the moment! I've let all my childhood fears go, my stresses, my thoughts are no longer focused on "what was" only on "what is and can be"! I'm a very happy go lucky girl, i love my personality! I love my life, my family and friends! I love to make people smile and laugh, and i make it my mission in life to make at least one person laugh in a day!
I have one problem in my life today and it has to do with finding a balance with my expressing my feelings! All my life i was numb! I hid things, kept secrets! Never shared anything with anyone! Today i am struggling to remain quiet {haha} God, i tell everyone everything! If i care about someone i tell them! I give cuddles freely! I wear my heart completely on my sleeve! If i love you i tell you! I have never ever been like this in my life! And in all honesty i have no idea how to handle it! Possibly not from my point of view as i'm happy to share my feeling! Rather from the other persons point of view! Maybe they are not ready for my declaration of love {lol} I still write and blog online and my freinds will say to me "Lynn, i wish i could express myself as you do, it takes courage"! I don't feel that, if i have something to say, i do! It leave me with a feeling of relief! And in a way it's healing me!
Does anyone else struggle with this at times? I tell people i miss them, and i think secretly they like that, but maybe don't know how to answer it!
Some one said to me tonight...."What are we gonna do with you"......{lol} I have no idea!
I guess what i'm asking is how do we deal with who we become when we start to heal????I'm no longer the girl i was a year ago....I have so much strength from within me and i've also had contasnt pain in my life, and i'm fighting it in the way only Ally can, Face on!
Ally I thought it was you, hi, well I would say you should do exactly what you are doing, and embrace it, I love that saying if I'm not for me then who will I be, I think you have uncovered the real Ally, the Ally that you always were and didn't know how to be, it sure looks like you do now.
I saw your response post the other day and had to smile cause it has been a while since I've seen you post. Welcome back and you're back for a reason. I read your post a couple times slowly and both times felt a empathetic stab of fear. Do you relate?
Was sad and happy when you decided to strike out of here.
Glad you are back. Always good to see the family. HOOOOOORRRRRRAAAAAAYYYYY, not for the negatives, but just glad to see you.
Hey, I did it at 40+ and graduated. You can do it. Go for it. [And I was made homeless, lost my job, lost my children and my family all at the same time as well as being battered and stalked throughout my finals and collecting them from various points of the compass in England at the time too - it was a miracle that I graduated but I did after five long years of full time study at the same time too.]
Second part: yes all the time. So, like Jerry I too felt that empathetic stab of fear. Slowly, slowly. It all takes time and patience [with self].
Suzannah
aka Heartbroken, but ditched her at sea...sometime ago.
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
