The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I guess, I just need to dump a little. My son who is 28 years old had two wonderful years being clean (he had two years before too) and sober, but now he has no desire to be clean *because* he has a great job, girlfriend and life is going *great.* He has short term memory of the days he slept on a park bench or out of his car.........hungry and no job. My dad has been sober for 28 years, so I'm no stranger to this UGLY disease. I have been to Alanon before, but he was doing so well, I stopped, I can't find a day time meeting where I live since I have health problems. (I'm female and 52) I will never, ever understand this disease. I'm so sorry for all the pain most of you suffer. I'm usually very positive, even when things with him are down. I just am having a hard time being that way right now. I know the hell I went through before, the sleepless nights. I even live three thousand miles away from him now and could tell he wasn't sober, he was very, very active in AA..........How can anybody drink with him when they know he has a problem? I know it's HIS responsibility, but if I was a friend, I would refuse. Thanks for letting me dump. I needed to do that today.
That has to be so rough. I find it easier to detach from anybody on the planet than it is from my child. And I know that I must. She isn't an alcoholic, but she has some issues, and I keep rescuing her with money.
I tell myself that she has her answers inside her. And I am treating her as if she is "less than" when I step in and try to save her from any and all unhappiness. I have finally stopped trying to give her advice. Now I really must wean myself away from the rest.
Keep coming. There are people on here with a lot to share.
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
His friends probably do not see him with a problem, they see him as someone that drinks more than they do. Alcoholism being a progressive disease that has no cure not only eats at the very soul of the A, but also the mothers that love them with all their heart. Knowing you have no control over your son and his choices can only be causing you anguish. I know it must be so hard on you to continually worry about his health and well being. He knows he has a problem whether his friends do or not. He and only he can make a decision to seek help. Until that time comes my suggestion to you would be to visually place your son in the hands of your Higher Power and know he is in the best possible place he can be.
More answers would be coming if both he and you had stayed in program. Program has solutions and answers to our whys. There are tons of opinions both from in the program and from out however I had to find the "truth", what I accepted as the truth for me by sitting in the meetings of the family group with an open mind and with a reduction of fear. I know longer have whys. The disease is cunning, powerful and baffling. I am no longer baffled. That you have not been to a meeting in a while is one thing...did your relationship with a power greater than youself also be put on hold?
Keep coming back. The solutions are here and hopefully the solutions for your son will reappear inbetween drunks and he will return to his sobriety. It is amazing that when things get better the alcoholic returns to celebrating with the one thing that made it worse.
Well, I guess I should share now to help you understand my decisions. At one of the meetings my *ex* and I were going to... he started an affair with the woman sitting next to me, left me after being married for 25 years and was engaged to her during our separation and married her as soon as our divorce became final. So, meetings aren't a *safe* place in my heart. When you share from the *gut* and this happens, it's something that is very hard to * forget.* My other son just got married and I had to face her for the first time since these meetings, not easy. So, walking into meetings gives me mega panic attacks. That's why I feel much more safe online.
