The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've found that it isn't just in relationships that I am idealistic. Somehow I have this idea that everything I put my hand in should be this idealistic perfect creation. I'm currently going to a therapy group and while I keep my mouth shut most of the time rahter than blurt out what I'm thinking I have this constant stream of thought about what I want (rather than what the group needs). No wonder I have had such difficulty in life. I know I always held the ex A up to these idealistic standards. I couldn't put into perspective his illness or that he was an addict, he wasn't meeting my needs right now and how dare he? Negotiation isn't a possibilty when I idealise I'm right they are wrong and I know it all. I've been around people who are certainly convinced of this (one of my roommates believes she is the world expert on every subject).
I had no idea I had these childish lofty ideals that hold me back from particpating in a meaningful way.
Oh and I'm certain the ex A also had these idealistic notions about me. He definitely expected me to be completely involved with his needs when he felt them and when he didn't he left me for dust.
Aloha Maresie....Good post! I relate and because of that I stay in program. I hear old lessons on obsessive compulsive and lessons on fear reactions with insecurity and old lessons on expectations without foundation and lacking humility and acceptance. Old lessons are good lessons. I get to keep practicing. By the way another old lesson about my head having it's own conversations while other work is going on is a great justification to carry a pen and journal around with me. Write it out and go over it during quiet time.
Well the good news is that I don't act on the idealism and I no longer judge others and myself so mercilessly. The funny thing is I can of course always justify the idealism!!!!
I am sure I am right there. If my AHsober is nice (like last Sat for a day) then I am so disappointed when he falls back into his "normal". My expectation is that is how he should be every day. Sure sets you up for disappointment and resentment.
