The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first came into the program. My first meeting i was givin a assingment by the wonderfull sponser i still have.. I as surpossed to draw a picture of how i was the disease and then write about it.. So I wrote this poem..
The Disease The disappointment and broken promises.. Hopes and dreams scattered with every drop that escaping.. Tears fall and pain comes while fear fills inside the heart.. Never sure what is going to happen next.. Will there be the fearful silance this time, or the words and actions caused by the drink.. Each day they become closer and closer in my life.. Not for so very long knowing what it is.. Just knowing when the cabinet opens to run.. Knowing the screaming and yelling is in the backgroud waiting to escape.. Fear of what the outcome will be this day or night.. Will there be fear of harm or silence? Trying so hard to lurk in the distance to wait and see what will occure.. Waiting to see the who and what. Wainting to see the when and where.. Will there be another secret occure.. That I must forever keep? Another secret that will forever live inside of me and direct in what the reactions and feelings of the drink.. wanting to learn differntly.. Though feeling this day will never come.. Fearing to move forward as not sure what is there.. Only know what I have been told.. So to cross over that line from what I know.. Its full of alot of fear for me.. Fear of what is on the other side.. Wondering what makes me so different that I must live this way.. Waiting for the day to be able to live free..
-- Edited by teddybearpoet on Thursday 9th of July 2009 01:16:06 AM
-- Edited by teddybearpoet on Thursday 9th of July 2009 01:12:06 PM
Such an apt description of the disease and how we react to it when we're not in recovery. Then you move into recovery ... ...wanting to learn differntly Though feeling this day will never come.. Fearing to move forward as not sure what is there.. Only know what I have been told.. So to cross over that line from what I know.. Its full of alot of fear for me.. Fear of what is on the other side.. Wondering what makes me so different that I must like this way.. Waiting for the day to be able to live free..
... we all wait for the day to be able to live happy, joyous and free when we come into this program. It is a process, not a destination. You have so eloquently described this process and the fear of moving into a new realm of reality called "recovery". I think we all feel that we are "different" when we come into this program and wonder if anyone has felt the way we feel. Then we get into the program and realize that others have walked this walk before us and that gives us comfort and hope.
I agree with the others, this is a great personal inventory poem and one that took a lot of inner searching and thought to write. I am sure that it will bless all those who read it.
Thanks for sharing your poem with us Teddybearpoet,
Overcome
-- Edited by Overcome on Thursday 9th of July 2009 10:06:12 AM
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
The Disease