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I know I shouldn't sit and complain or talk about the A just worry about me. But right now I just need to.
I knew something was wrong with him shortly after meeting him..he had right side pain. And drinking is all that would help. It's been getting worse especially since I moved out almost 2 months ago.
Im just going to make this short and to the point I keep crying and there are a bunch of drunk A's here and I don't want them to bother me..
He told me today he is going to inpatient treatment tomorrow. He said he is on that medicine to make him not drink starts with an A. He didn't go into too much detail but he said he needs a liver donor (which I figured would happen) type D. He didn't really say how bad it is but I know it's bad. He drank a couple beers while he was just here because he was in A LOT of pain. And then he said he was getting dizzy and his eyes felt watery. He asked me if they looked yellow --which I know is not a good sign and he knows too. I told him no they don't they didn't even look watery, but they looked glossy sort of i don't know.. I asked him if he wanted to me to to hospital with him. He said no he just needed to go home and go to sleep because he has these appointments tomorrow to complete the intake process for treatment and he can't miss it because he knows he needs to go. I told him if you go to hospital tonight just tell them and Im sure they will work something out and all he coudl say is you don't care about me why do you want me to go to the hospital.
I'm only 25 I can't deal with him dying right now whether his HP wants him to or not. I can't deal with this now. And I just keep thining that he is going to soon and I think he knows. He just kept telling us he loved us. He sat and played with my daughter and our son all evening and then when he was in too much pain he had to go. I don't know what to do, say or think. I just can't stop crying.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I'm thinkin this sounds kind of fishy. They don't transplant livers while the person is actively drinking, or even consider it. Ever. There are too many nondrinkers that won't ruin their new liver.
If he is on Anatabuse and had two beers, he would most likely have been vomiting .
If you drink while taking antabuse, you can experience these symptoms:
Flushing
Nausea
Copious Vomiting
Sweating
Thirst
Throbbing in the Head and Neck
Throbbing Headache
Respiratory Difficulty
Chest Pain
Palpitations
Dyspnea
Hyperventilation
Tachycardia
Hypotension
Syncope
Marked Uneasiness
Weakness
Vertigo
Blurred Vision
Confusion
Those are the "mild" symptoms. Severe reactions can include respiratory depression, cardiovascular collapse, myocardial infarction, acute congestive heart failure, unconsciousness, arrhythmias, convulsions, and death.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
He never said he was going to get a liver transplant anytime soon. He knows he has to not drink for awhile. And as far as the antabuse he said he was prescribed it Monday took it then but hasn't since because he knows he can't not drink.
Honestly at first I didn't beleive him at all. I kept saying how do you know when an alcoholic is lying---their lips are moving...He did explain a lot more than what I had posted about where he is putting all his things and asked if a week after he started treatment if I would bring the kids to see him. I asked him how he was going to pay for it since he doesn't have health insurance and he explained that as well. I honestly don't think he is lying about his liver being bad. About the rest who knows..
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I know you are worried and distraught so please re read Christy answer with an open mind.
The information you received from your A does appear to be confusing and his actions do not match his words. I was always told "Watch what they do Not what they say"
Please try not to project into the futureand stay in the moment and in the day.
PLease trust that HP can and will take care of your A, yourself and your children.
Please try to sleep and let us know how things go tomorrow.
I hate that you are in so much pain and are filled with concern about your A.
that is a miserable place to be.
I can share my e, s, & h - I lived over 16 yrs with an active alcoholic/addict - he thrived over the sympathy and concern that he could get from me when his "health" was bad. That was like another "drug" for him. He used that to manipulate and control me.
It took lots of recovery and learning to set boundaries and actually toughen up for me to be able to NOT give in to this type of behaviors.
It is my opinion that he even "faked" a cancer diagnosis (I won't go into details) to get me to stay with him during the last 3 yrs of our marriage after he had relapsed. I fell for it but finally I am out of that unhealthy relationship and FREE from the mental and emotional abuse.
I sought the help of my recovery program, recovery friends and especially the God of my understanding - it wasn't an easy road and I'm still not completely thru it all - BUT life is so much better now - I can see so clearly how his disease is NOT a good thing for me to be involved in and I deserve to be Happy, Joyous and Free -
Everyone does.
Wishing you Serenity, Joy and Peace, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I think you don't know, yet, whether you're being asked to deal with him dying, or to deal with the possibility of him dying. Really, the possibility of him dying has always been there - this is just a little more in your face. What to do , say or think? How about concentrating on the part of the visit where he played with the kids? It's just as "real" as the other part, and it's the present. Okay, it's yesterday, but it's real and within the last few days - not projecting into a future that may never come. Acknowledge the pain, but concentrate on the good parts. Write 'em down, even, to remind yourself.
Dear lady I have seen it go both ways. My bil's liver went bad. My Ah's liver is bad.
I grieved my AH as you. It's natural. They are dieing all the time. Some slowly some very fast.
My bil died, I was with him. MY AH still walking around, and he just got over radiationf or oral cancer!
We never know what is going to happen. As far as saying I can't go through this, it may help to le it go, and think just about today.
Learning to do that is another major key in my serenity. My AH should have been dead long ago, brain tumor, hep c, liver damage,migraines, oral cancer. He is 57!
So learning earlier than I, if you can do the odat, take things as they come, change the negative talk in your head, your life will be easier.
And Melissa I was 27 when my first AH was killed in an accident. He was drunk and tried to jump into the back of a pickup,fell and was ran over. I lived thru it, was horribly hard, we had two babies.
I sure did not see that coming! Wish I could hug you and say everything will be ok> It will too. No matter what you will keep going.
Hi Mel , well I hate to say this , but u are getting on with your life and that jsut wasnt in the alcoholics plans , yeah his liver is in rough shape , he will do and say anything to keep u in the loop and who knows us better than they do ? Im sick we fall for it and wham were in it right up to our eyeballs again . Just look after yourself and your child ,he has to take care of his own stuff . I am with christy no one is going to give an alcholic a new liver , and antibuse is usually taken to prove to others that he is not drinking . it is not a pill to help them stop drinking . they get sick as hell if they do no doubt , but any alcoholic worth his salt has learned to puke and keep on drinking . all of the things that Cristy listed are true they can all happen if he drinks and he knows it sooooooooooo . One she forgot was if they drink they turn a bright red , blood pressure rises rapidly also dangerous . Compassion yes , give up your life again ?????? Support his efforts at sobriety if he is truly trying but look after you . Louise Opps just noticed Chrisy did mention it only she called it flushing . hehe
-- Edited by abbyal on Thursday 9th of July 2009 02:07:09 PM
Melissa I feel for you...I really do, I'm so sorry you are going through this.
With the parts of your share I've picked out, these are the bits that had loud alarm bells ringing for me...
'and drinking is all that would help'......
He drank a couple beers while he was just here because he was in A LOT of pain.....
And then he said he was getting dizzy and his eyes felt watery. He asked me if they looked yellow
My Ason uses (or should I say used to use) the illness tack.....a good way to pull the 'worry strings' and gain sympathy. I now find that I am able to call his bluff more often than not so he no longer tries it on. I'm not saying this is the case for you, just sharing my own experience.
I'm only 25.....please, if you haven't already, find a f2f soon
I just can't stop crying....at my f2f I have cried amongst the people who understand...I no longer cry alone.
Take care of YOU and your wee ones. Love and hugs......Ness
Aloha Melissa...The face to face Al-Anon Meetings were for me the best place to get what I needed along with compassion and a welcome to return in the future. MIP is gold however a real touch from others who have been where you are at the moment along with their experience and compassion will be most supportive.
No one...not you, not the MIP membership, or your alcoholic and the doctors really know his condition and what rehabilitation might work. We do know that if he stops drinking and starts working a program of recovery you will be affected and that if you stop focusing on him and start working a program of recovery you will also be affected and he will also.
In the interim it is a Higher Power who has control as I let my HP. When I am fighting for understanding and control it is usually called "Struggling". I'd rather not. There are other drugs available to compulsive drinkers besideds antabuse. One of the early treatments was LSD. People lie and people are sneaky and self centered and love compassionate tender mercies...and so do alcoholics.
Get to a face to face meeting (suggestion) and let him work out his treatment as he thinks he needs it and seems to have solutions for at the moment.
