The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things are changing. My AH has decided to stop drinking and I am happy about that but life as we have known it, for years now, is changing. For the better but still changing. I don't know what to expect tonight when he gets home from work. I am apprehensive, excited and scared. I am so used to life being a certain way and now it's going to be different. How? I don't know. I was quitting smoking but the stress got to me too bad today, I faltered and bought a pack of ciggs. I feel so horrible. I quit for almost a week and then I went back. Although it gives me an insight to what my AH may go through if he goes back to drinking. Guilt! Disappointment in myself. Trying to "justify" my slip. I am dealing with a lot of different emotions today. I guess I just needed to vent and let some steam off. I feel a little better having put this post up. We have a lot of financial stuff going on right now so I know he is stressing over quitting and I hope that I am a good support system for him with all of my own guilt and stress to deal with. I know he should go to AA, and he did about 2 weeks ago. He has some literature and his Big Book and One Day at a Time. He knows where to go for support if I can't help him so I am not going to stress over that. I have to take care of my own feelings and deal with my own guilt. So for now, he is not home, I can enjoy the usual sort of things I do when he's not here and just wait and see how he comes home. No worries anymore. Just some intrigue as to how this is going to work out. At least I have my Alanon for support. So he can do what he wants to do and I will do what want.
I suggest throwing your apprehension out the window and try to get yourself in a frame of mind that will benifit both of you. Whether he makes it or not, just for today it is a new fresh way of life. Happiness will make the transition much more inviting
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Thank you for your input. I just let things unfold as they may and things went well. I guess my apprehension is just the not knowing what he is going to be like. It's all me and I know it. I am just going to let it go and let it be. Thanks!!!
