The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
this time i can't blame it on PMS. hormones are no excuse in this behavior. i have been angry and crappy. i can't stand to even be around my own self anymore. and when i get like this, the program and my faith are the last thing on my mind. i know what i gotta do, i have the tools and i'm capable of doing it.
Ughh........what causes this? i'm down right spoiled. a 37 year old spoiled woman. how do i let myself be happy?
Good question. I usually hold back on letting myself be happy because in the past, it is short lived due to my AH's behavior. So to me, being happy meant that there was some sort of penalty to be paid for feeling that way. But over time, and with my program, I have allowed myself to feel happiness and let the "penalty" fall where it may. It wasn't one single action that let me allow myself happiness, it was more time and the program that got me to where I could accept the happiness. Be kind to yourself and don't persecute yourself for feeling your own feelings. It's not always easy to let yourself go like that. Work your program and take care of yourself.
What I do when feeling like this is go shopping, take a bubble bath, go buy a good book, eat some chocolate. I also cannot stand myself when I get like that.
Don't know if this helps you, but this is what I do.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Okay, honest assessment, knowing one self, looking the problem right in the face, acknowledging the truth.
All good exercises, but NOTHING CHANGES UNTIL SOMETHING CHANGES.
So, what you going to do?
The answer to your question, "How do I let myself be happy?" is within yourself.
You either continue as you are or change something within yourself. You know your behaviour and you say you are spoilt, and it is not making you happy, so change something in you. Look at your behaviour, stop the behaviour that you do not like in yourself.
However, learnt behaviour is hard to crack and you are not going to manage this overnight. I read more of, "I don't like myself." than anything else in your post. So, perhaps a fourth step inventory might help here.
However, I would also be cautious here and I would approach it by writing a two way list first. By that I mean. On one half of the page I would write "Things I like about myself." and on the other I would write "Things I DO NOT like about myself."
Then I would look at these and write a third list headed: "Things I need to change in me".
One step at a time. Take one thing and concentrate on that and each time you recognise that you have achieved a good thing that appears on either of your lists place a tick against it. When your behaviour fits the things on any of the lists tick that too. Do it for a week and see if you can gather more positive tick than negative ticks. However don't give up if it does not work out that way at the beginning. Each positive is great. EACH POSITIVE IS GREAT. You could even go as far as giving yourself a treat (or simply a gold star) for each 5 POSITIVE TICKS YOU GAIN.
Slowly, slowly change the things you do not like into things you DO LIKE. AND watch out for the excuses. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR BAD BEHAVIOUR.
I start the day by saying, "I AM WORTHY OF BEING LOVED AND LOVING." Say it even if you do not believe it right this minute. In time you will see the truth in this and you will begin to beleive it and you will change this behaviour that is pulling you down.
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
