The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As many of you know I've been going through a divorce, my 4th. I have had a tendency in the past to go from one relationship to another, to another, to another. Well, you get the picture. Recently I was fooling myself that a "friend" of mine from Texas was just a "friend" when in actuality I think I was thinking of him as somewhat of another "savior" figure. Well I found out today that he has a relationship going with another woman and I told him I was glad that he had found someone that he could be happy with. I truly meant this, because he is a great guy and deserves the best. But this made me very sad at first, until I realized, "I've done it again" I've put another person in that role of being my "savior" which there is only one entity that can serve that purpose and that is the God of my understanding. So I wrote a poem to help:
A Lost Soul
I feel like a lost soul Groping for control of her life. Lost in the wilderness of mediocrity. Trying to find someone with some seniority To guide this lost soul to liberty.
I am told that I can not find this answer In another person or frail entity But only in God Almighty. I must not fool myself again into thinking life's solutions come from another, but only from within.
How do I find this answer from within? Is it lost to me from so much insanity? Or can I find it again from within me? I need a Creator, a Higher Power, A Great Spirit, A Holy Guide, a Jesus in disguise.
It helped me to write this poem. I hope it can help others realise that our Power comes from within and not from without. Our Power comes from that Higher Power that only we can define. Thanks for letting me share my journey.
Overcome
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Aloha Overcome...Your post bought back real memories of how it was for me also. After finally coming to the awareness of what I was doing that was causing me so much pain I caved in and surrendered myself to the program, abandoning myself to my Higher Power so that I might make progress toward being a person of and having a life of value. I cannot raise myself or create my own recovery from the same thoughts, practices, feelings and behaviors that my dysfunctions come from. I am a grateful member of the world-wide fellowship of the Al-Anon Family Groups.
Thanks (((((overcome))))). I was not looking within tonight but having my pity party of woe is me. Nobody loves me, etc. didn't think to ask HP for help.
I understand so while the poem.. I have been feeling alot of the same way.. wondering if i can find those answes inside of me.. Just seems to be so many questions right now.. I dont even now where to star tto look for the answers.. Thank you for share that.. IT helped alot.. I know what you are going thru is very hard.. I also know you are a very strong women though and you are working your way thru it.. I am so proud of you for that.. keep up the good work gal..
I don't see anything wrong with having feelings. I think its acting on them impulsively thats the problem. Plenty of us have had numerous relationships with alcoholics and people who were not necessarily in great psychological shape. You are not alone so don't judge yourself so harshly.
