The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
An AA speaker at al Al-Anon meeting gave the members this unusual insight from the other side of the fence:
"The non-alcohoilc in the family doesn't seem to realize that the alcoholic is in a terribly vulnerable position. He must be constantly on guard, because he knows, deep down inside, how much trouble he is bringing to the family. He knows he is wide open to criticism."
"But did it ever occur to you that your tantrums and harsh words are like whipping a sick dog? Remember, he's lashing himself-all the time. If you apply more lashes, you're inviting him to transfer some of his guilt to you. This can keep him from reaching his 'bottom' and realizing how much he needs help to find sobriety."
Today's Reminder I will try to understand how desperately the alcoholic suffers from guilt. I will not yield to the impulse to kick him when he is down. We both suffer in different ways from the alcoholism. I, who have God's gift of sobriety, must be the one to realize his dissatisfaction with himself, no matter how defiant and defensive he may appear.
"If I were unfortunate enough to be an alcoholic, how would I hope to be treated by the person I live with? The Golden Rule is a useful tool in all our relationships."
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Thank you soooooo much for posting this. It helps to strengthen my goal to go to counseling with my sorta ex ah while he is the "big house" for so many" DUI'S.
I want him to grow as much as he can. Hoping for the best for him.
It's sooooo hard to "keep our side of the street clean" and "suck it up" and keep that sharp tongue quiet. Atleast it is for me....even now. But you're right, as much as we may want to drive it in deeper we know better.
I just watched to movie , Last Chance Harvey, it was like watching a movie about my ex-husband in the future. How sad. I am just begining to thawe and see him as a human being with feelings and am just now starting to let the anger go. Thank God for Al-Anon!!!! I never thought I would ever see him as a human that deserves any respect, kindness, love, understanding, even though he is the father of my children. Only with Al-Anon has this happen. Only with Al-Anon am I starting to become free.
Looking back I wouldn't change a thing......I wouldn't relive it.....but since it's happened, I wouldn't change a thing. I love who I am today and look forward to the rest of my life thanks to Al-Anon.
I will pray for thoughs still living with an active alcoholic or thoughs who still live with the pain and anger. We create our own prison. Freedom is in the steps regaurdless of weather the alcoholic is still drinking or not, with us or not, alive or passed on. We who have found this program have found the key to happiness, contentment, peace....... ourselvles.
Thank you so much for that share. My AH "stopped" drinking last night. I say "stopped" because he has done this before. So I can only take it one day at a time and try to be positive. Yes, keeping our side of the street clean, wow, that's a tough one to keep sometimes. I feel like I always have something to say about everything and I constantly have to Halt and think about my thoughts before they come out of my mouth. Ya know, open mouth and insert foot. I still feel the eggshell under my feet, but I feel a little more positive today than I was yesterday. So hopefully each day will get better and if things don't change well, he will have tried and that's better than nothing, to me. So, for now, he is sober and that works for me.
