the disease thing - Al-Anon Family Group

gknee · Senior Member

the disease thing

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I had alot of trouble with the disease thing too , until one nite my husb stood in front of me shaking a beer can in my face ( not in a threatning way ) and he said YOu see this as a problelm for me its a solution . I wanted to laugh actually but he was looking me right straight in the eyes and I knew that he was begging me to understand .
No one wants to live the way an alcoholic does , always lying having to be one step ahead of every one else , justifying his behavior , eventually hidding just how much he drinks from his family and friends ; This disease tells them they are a little smarter than the average Joe and the only people who are really getting fooled is the alcoholic himself . Who in thier right mind would push away a loving family to have a drink with the boys ??
for me I had to finally accept that this was a disease because I was getting sicker by the day hating my husband * or so I thought . today i know I hated what was happening not the man . i believe the alcoholic looses the power of choice in his addiction or so he thinks , this disease h as nothing to do with not loving thier families ,if love could cure alcoholism we wouldnt need AA or Al-Anon or treatment centres . No one knows when or what will bring the alcoholic to thier knees , including the alcoholic .

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

For me, its a disease closer akin to mental illness than diabetes. That and its a chemical allergy issue also. Its a deadly combination and there are truly only three choices: death, insanity or recovery.

If an alcoholic is not choosing recovery they are choosing death or insanity. And for me (I am speaking for me only) I cannot live with anyone or build a life with anyone who is actively choosing death and/or insanity. I keep it real simple.

In many mental illnesses, the sick one does not realize the level of his/her distorted thinking. They think they are just fine. Kind of like us al-anonics! HA! hugs, J.

serendipity · ~*Service Worker*~

If the diabetic decides not to take his insulin, knowing full well that it will result in severe illness or death, and then asks YOU to aid him in his illness or dying process then I see where the diseases can be compared.

But I like Jean's analysis. In my experience, the substance didn't matter. It was the obsession surrounding whatever the chosen substance was. It was crack, sex, food, porn. It was a mental thing.

I heard that alcoholism is the only disease people are yelled at for having. If a diabetci keeled over in a coma from not doing what they needed to, I would probably be pretty angry!

DD · Member

I see it as a disease.

When a cancer patient is declared free of cancer it is called remission.

When an addict/alcoholic finds sobriety and a program, it is called recovery.

When a cancer returns, it is called a recurrence.

When an addict/alcoholic loses his sobriety it is called relapse.

Different diseases. Different names. Same thing...illness/disease.

Cancer, diabetes, heart disease...a battle of survival of the body.

Alcoholism/addiction...a battle of survival of the mind and spirit.

Regardless of the disease. The person with the disease still needs understanding
and compassion. OUR own recovery cannot be successful without compassion
and caring and understanding the disease of addiction. Just my own opinion of
disease vs. choice regarding addiction/alcoholism.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Gknee!!

In the closing of our face to face meetings a portion reads, "If you keep and open
mind, you will find help."   You have an open mind and you will come to learn in
time what makes Alcoholism a primary disease as stated by the American Medical
Association. It is not a symptom of some other condition and has identifiable
symptoms of it's own. Alcoholism exists on the multiple levels of mind, body,
spirit and emotions all separately and at the same time. Dis-ease; a condition
of being disturbed. If you know of something you are addicted to...coffee,
chocolate, nicotine, sex, enabling, food, excitement etc and that you realize for
you that you need to or would like to change for the better yet are still drawn
by compulsions either mental, emotional, spiritual or mental to put off change
and continue to practice you will relate to the alcoholic. Alcoholics don't need
to be told about "their problem" they know. What they need...if they can be
humble and honest, is to sit with a bunch of "ex" drinkers ...alcoholics who have
arrested their compulsion and desires for alcohol and listen to and practice
what they hear while doing all the other required stuff...don't drink, don't think,
go to meetings, get a sponsor, read the big book, work the steps, follow the
traditions and oh yeah build a relationship with a Higher Power than your spouse
or girl friend or whomever who you can turn your life and will over to in order to
get and stay sober.   Sometime later you can pick up more information about
genetics and prepencity for alcohol and the other technical stuff that can and will
show you that all this disease needs to run is one drink, just one (is too many and
two is not enough) and then it's running you.

There is tons of information about alcoholism being a disease available on the
web. Keep searching and reading.   We all need to do that so that we can
stop with the questions and get on with the practice.

Thanks for your courage to bring the issue up again. (((((hugs))))) smile

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Gknee)))),

I think Abbyal and Christy said it the best. I am right where they are. Nobody I know wants to grow up to be an addict!

Yes it's a disease. Yes they have a choice to get sober or die. But it's not that simple. I've know people in AA who have been sober for decades, relapse and never recover from it. This is why they call it a cunning, baffling and powerful diseae.

I watched my beloved Tim fight his battle every day. I remember going to AA meetings after he had his seizures. I went in case he needed me. He asked me to go. The more I sat in those meetings and listened to the horror stories the more I understood what this disease does, not only to the families and friends, but to the addicts themselves. They don't want to be this way. I always told Tim that I wished I could walk in his shoes for a day or a week just to understand what it was like from his side. He told don't ever wish that. He wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy.

It gave me new found respect for the addicts. This is why I refuse to call them alkies, drunks, crackheads or whatever. They feel enough shame w/o me adding to it. They are human beings with a horrible disease.

Does anybody really think that people want to be this way?!! My beloved Tim was the most talented, intelligeny loving man I knew. He was an archaeologist, a Navy Seal, a talente woodworker. He removed asbestos from the World Trade Center and made many of the meds that help ease the pain of cancer victims. He was a late blooming alcoholic and had issues from being beaten from his mother and first wife. Do you really think he wanted his life to turn out the way it did? Yes, he went to rehab and detox and yes, he worked his AA program. But this disease still got a hold of him. Add to the physical disabilities he had along with his emotional issues and it's a wonder he didn't start drinking when he was a teenager.

I've always said I loved the man but hated the disease. I refuse to let hate and anger in my life when I think of addiction. I would give anything in the world to spend another moment with my Tim, even if he was drinking. Ironically it has been almost a year since Tim passed and it wasn't the drinking that killed him. It was a undected genetic heart defect. But I don't know if he would have remained sober. Every time he took a drink or went in to get a bottle he was full of shame. Every time he went into a AA meeting and told his story he felt ashamed. It didn't matter if we told him he had nothing to be ashamed of. I wasn't ashamed of my husband. I loved him with every ounce of my being.

Now instead of rolling over and kissing him good morning. Now instead of kissing him goodnight. I kiss his picture. I look to the morning skies and say good morning, I love you. I will always love the man but hate the disease. Hate will never enter my heart when it comes to talking about an addict. They didn't choose this. They need help as do we. Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

-- Edited by Karilynn on Sunday 5th of July 2009 11:43:11 AM

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

The symptoms of cancer, diabetes, ms, addiction, parkinsons and on and on, are different.

It is a combination of symptoms that make a disease THAT disease.

Part of addiction is they do not have a choice like you or I do. They cannot just choose to stop.

An addicts brain is not wired like a non addict. Our idea of choice is not the same as theirs.

Just like an addict being in love, is totally different than a non addict.

In saying that, some people understand that, and some do not.

I have sadly been torn up and down by the disease. When I believed it was a disease, and detached and hated the disease not the person, it took all my bitterness and holding onto the pain away.

Instead of HP taking the love I felt away, HP taught me it was natural to love them, forgive them, and hate the disease that is ravaging them.

love,debilyn

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