The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I tend to focus on the struggles I have and post to seek the invaluable support and ESH offered here. A situation occurred the other day and I wanted to share how it helped me to realize that the tools I am gaining spread to my Non-A interactions as well.
The other night I ordered a pizza for pick up. It was a super hot and humid day here, and I didn't feel like cooking. I went in to the very warm pizza joint and the young girl was not a happy camper to say the least. I felt like she was very snippy when she asked, "have you ordered?" like I was a bother to be there!
I replied that I had and gave my name etc. She promptly realized that my order was incomplete and that one part of it had been missed. I could clearly see this frustrated her even more. Again with her annoyed voice she said, "its gonna be about 10 more minutes".
The other me would have quickly become all self righteous as a customer and at the very least retaliate with some attitude of my own. Instead, when I paid in advance for my order, I said to her, "It must be very hard working in this heat". She raised her weery little head and I thought she was going to cry. She said, "it's ridiculously hot in here. It's over 100 degrees".
I paid for my pizza, left a good tip and took her advice to go sit outside where it was cooler, while I waited for my order.
While I was outside, other people came into the store for their orders and I kid you not, I witnessed a Mother and her young teenage daughter walk out of that store and say to each other, "that girl in there is a real *****". I felt offended on the girls behalf and I thought, "have some compassion people!!!"
I saw myself in that Mother and realized that on this day, I made a different choice and I was sitting on the other side of the fence. It felt great.
I think HP aligned things just perfectly, so that I could receive the lesson that there are always options in the way we perceive things.
Instead of taking it personally and seeing your differences, you identified with her, and then there was peace... The peace of the program at work! I have goosebumps!
Thanks (((Rora)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Friday 3rd of July 2009 08:18:17 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
and good old human kindness and compassion...our ego so often rears it's ugly head. We never know which act of kindness/understanding will change someone's day. Always, we get a benifit from it.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
What a great share, and a great reminder to us all....
Shares like yours remind me of Jerry's airport story from last year (sorry Jerry) - but they also serve to give us all renewed hope, faith, and strength within ourselves.... When I read that my buddy Jerry - whom I place high on a pedestal almost all of the time - was capable of being "human", and even "snippy", it somehow served to help me accept my own shortcomings better, and perhaps to be a bit gentler on myself when I didn't act as I would like to act.... It also helps reinforce the following concept:
I was taught the invaluable lesson that "words can be used for two things, and two things only - to build up, or to break down"
I have to remind myself when my son comes off the baseball field.... the competitor in me wants to point out all the things he may have done wrong - in the way of constructive criticism, so he can get better.... (unfortunately I still do this too often). When I think it through beforehand, however, I am reminded of this lesson, and I give him positive reinforcement of the things he did well, and his face lights up and he is pumped up....... go figure. :)
Thanks for the share Tom
-- Edited by canadianguy on Friday 3rd of July 2009 10:11:43 AM
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I'm working thru one of those defensive off balance acts now myself and after reading your post my situation becomes clearer and easier. "let it go and love anyway". Keep it simple don't mess with the solution "let go...let God and love anyway." That you were able to empathize with her situation and not get into "self" and more is remarkable!! Mahalo for your experience.
(((((hugs)))))
PS...not even Tom has submitted my name for sainthood. LOL
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 4th of July 2009 12:54:57 AM
Instead of taking it personally and seeing your differences, you identified with her, and then there was peace... The peace of the program at work! I have goosebumps!
Thanks (((Rora)))
---------------yea, that was GREAT work, and ya know, someone said the program "seeps in" when you don't even realize it.....i see myself becoming more compassionate, less apt to shoot first and ask afterwards.........now when i set a boundary or limit, it is DESERVED...........i think you did great w/that poor little pizza lady.....i hear they don't get paid squat and the conditions are awful........w/economy so bad, she very likely is trapped in a job that she hates, but needs the money.............glad you were nice to her.............
