The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The time has come for me to make some changes. A few days of peace and quiet every few weeks is not enough for me to heal. Being in the same house the majority of the time simply takes its toll on me when my AH is drinking. I can detach most of the time, but sometimes the insanity just leaks in and takes hold.
I met with a trusted AA friend and his wife (who is a counselor specializing in addiction) yesterday - all are in agreement that it is probably too late for him to go it alone with AA, even if he wanted to. He can't last 48 hours without drinking - trying to go it alone for any longer would certainly be harmful physically for him and devastating emotionally for everyone around him.
We discussed the possibility of an intervention - not sure about that, but have their support if we want to try it. From what I read, the success rate isn't all that great, but I will do some homework to see what is available in our area that our insurance plan will cover.
Either way, they recommended I have divorce paperwork ready to go. So, I called my lawyer and we are going to get that in process next week. I also took the steps to secure my finances by opening a new checking account and setting up my direct deposit to go to it.
This makes me very sad, but when I think about my choices, this is the best one for me and my child. He deserves a sane home life and at least one healthy parent. And that's not possible with an active alcoholic in the house. Even if my AH does choose to enter a detox, rehab and recovery program, we simply cant be exposed to the drama that will likely go along with it. I personally need the physical distance, at least for now. Who's to say what it will be like later on? Certainly not me.
I've held off on this action for a long time to be sure I'm not forcing a solution, and I can honestly say that in this case, I'm not. But boy it sure is scary.
Wish me luck,bg
-- Edited by blender_girl on Thursday 2nd of July 2009 08:07:23 PM
(((bg))) you're right - it IS scary, but the reality is that it's scary whether we leave OR stay.... if you feel in your gut that this is the right thing for you to do, then I'm guessing that it is..... either way, you're going to need your program, so stick with it (and us) throughout).
I left my AW over six years ago - it's been a struggle, and it's not always "peaches and cream", but I'm still progressing and moving forward....
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Isn't it funny when we KNOW, "The time has come for me to make some changes." We just feel it in our gut. We're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel for you because the divorce process isn't an easy one, but neither is living with an alcoholic, as you well know.
As far as the intervention goes, I have been involved in one once, and it went pretty well. I was at a university that I worked at and the Dean of the Department was there, a co-worker was there, I was there (the lab technician that was the main enabler for this guy that was the head of the Department), his wife was there, and a student, plus the facilitator who was a counselor and an AA member himself.
We all shared what the A meant to us and how we hated seeing what this disease was doing to his life. It was awe inspiring to hear each person in the room share. We were all of different backgrounds and different relationships to this man, yet we all cared and we all let him know. He was truly touched.
The alcoholic went into a treatment program and got sober. I will have to say the next year of working with him was he##, but we got through it and he has 12 years sobriety today. He and his wife still send me Christmas cards and thank me for setting up the intervention that literally saved his life.
I know that all interventions don't go this well. Some alcoholics just aren't ready to hear it, or get honest. But I wanted you to hear at least one success story that I think is really great.
Take what you like and leave the rest. Overcome
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
That is sooo difficult and yet usual consequences for later stage and entrenched alcoholism. What might wake him up a bit could be addressing the situation as you see it and letting him in on your plans with the counselor in the room with you. The third party gives it a legitimate voice and actually smooths the situation out. You can at that time tell him how you see the situation and how you feel about it and what you plan to do about it and include him in on the feedback. It's not about his agreement but about respecting his participation in the process. Letting him know that your solution is not negotiable is being honest and forthright. Drunk and sober you both have been in it for a long haul. Love him still and do what you feel you have to do keeping an open mind on feedback from your Higher Power also.
((((((((((((BG))))))))))))))), I just want to wish you and your child some long awaited peace. I know you are scared; scared of SO many different things, but just know that you are strong and healthy, and your child DOES deserve a parent that is able to make wise decisions. You are choosing this for only the right reasons: to better your child's life and yours. I know it's hard, it would have to be, but there's alot of love on here as well as alot of shoulder's to cry on and ears ready to listen. I wish you the best. Love, Beacheemom
you said------------ I also took the steps to secure my finances by opening a new checking account and setting up my direct deposit to go to it.
This makes me very sad, but when I think about my choices, this is the best one for me and my child. He deserves a sane home life and at least one healthy parent. And that's not possible with an active alcoholic in the house. Even if my AH does choose to enter a detox, rehab and recovery program, we simply cant be exposed to the drama that will likely go along with it. I personally need the physical distance, at least for now. Who's to say what it will be like later on? Certainly not me.
========== I really respect you for taking your life back AND doing what i sbest for yoru child.........he deserves a chance.....what chance does he have w/alkie around him....he will be in aa or acoa when he grows up....i know...i am product of alkie parents.....
i totally support you in taking care of you and your son......he is the innocent victim in this.......he has no choices....no safe place to go to if "mom" does not step up and take care of him........i think it is wise to separate your money and start taking care of yourself and the boy............
my prayers go to you and your boy..........later on , whatever is to be will be, but our HP gave us choice and HP will not violate our boundaries....if we choose to stay in sick situation, then HP will back off and allow us to suffer.........its is up to us to do the basics....what is right and healthy for us and the little ones..........Hp will back us when we are doing what is right............you GO GIRL!!!!!!!!
let tomorrow work itself out...........i would focus on right now and what i need to do right now...............PEACE
-- Edited by rosielightshines on Saturday 4th of July 2009 01:03:40 AM
