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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Conflicted feelings
Post Info TOPIC: Conflicted feelings
Powerless


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Conflicted feelings
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I wouldn't be me if I wasn't confused most of the time.  I felt so strong this weekend, angry, but strong.  I felt peace because I made a vow that my husband would leave and I would follow through with my decision.  Today, I am not angry.  I am sad at the loss of what I originally thought was a long and lasting life and marriage filled with love.  Myhusband keeps calling and begging me to change my mind.  His mother has always supported my feelings and has always been so understanding.  Today she seemed angry. I believe that she thinks because it has been a week since he used, I should get over it. She does not want me to ask him to leave.  I feel my strength and resolve shrinking. My son's therapist said that I am skating on thin ice.  Not only can the kids be taken, but I can be charged with criminal neglect.  I don't even know what that is.  It sounds scary though. She explained that because I work in the healthcare field, the charge would cost me my job.  Legal Aid told me that they cannot help me.  The lawyer said that a family court judge in our state would not make my husband leave.  I would have to move out initially and then I can call them and they can help me get back in the house and make him leave.  In the mean time, I would have to take the chance of him losing the house.

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abbyal


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So glad u found our site. Please go to Al-Anon or NarAnon as soon as u can, u need support with people who understand exactly what your feeling.  My mother in law was very supportive too til i wouldn't let my husb come back while still drinking then she got nasty. I had to remember that this was her son and she loved him (like I didn't? )   But I also understood that since he was now calling her and complaining that he had become her problem,or so she thought. and with out help she didn't know how to say no.


In al anon u will find acceptance and understanding, this is a disease and it only gets worse. you have to protect your children and yourself first there is nothing you can do about him this is his trip. Allowing them the dignity to live thier lives the way they choose is the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. I was not going down with him , I learned here to detach with love and look after myself emotionally  spiritually and physically.


Your not the reason he drinks or uses and your not powerful enough to make him stop. He is the only one that can do that for himself.  good luck  find some meetings and get well. Your worth the effort.    Louise 


 



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Jeannie


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(((Powerless)))


Welcome. You are in the right place, and you are not powerless.


Your first priority has to be you and your children There is nothing you can do to make him stop, that has to be his thing.


As well as going to face to face meetings, maybe you should speak to an attorney, or go to the family courts. They might not be able to make him leave, but maybe they can tell you what steps to take to keep a roof over your head, and still not be in danger of losing your job, and more importantly your children.


Put whatever protective measures they can suggest in place so you and the kids are safe.


Keep coming back, and I hope everything works out for all of you. You are in my prayers.


              Love Jeannie



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captcodee


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I wondered why I went through what i went through......


Powerless, let me tell you my experience...


I thought about asking my husband to leave (kick his drunken stoner arse) for three years.  I didn't do it because I had many things that MIGHT happen if I did.  By the end of analyzing these issues, I would always change my mind because you know... in-my-insane-mind... i was thanking god that i had him so these things didn't happen....


But when the insanity became too much, and the courage through the program... and the discovery of my higher power (whom I choose God) I discovered many things....


a.  i MIGHT lose my kids......but then if i stay, he might kill them drinking and driving...or have them take my kids when i hit the looney bin....BUT i might not loose my kids.....


b.  The b@$tard might just set up camp in the basement in a wife beater with a bag of weed, smoking it and looking very pissed off.....or he might cry and promise me the moon if i let him stay....or.... he may just turn away and concede, and i will be able to stay home....


c.  I work in health-care (a small town hospital) but am not worrying about my job security (that is what the legal system is for.. should I lose my job) I am worryed about my reputation....  OR, I could just enjoy the gossip.....or just accept that it doesn't matter.


 


Ultimately, i finaly got the courage, asked him to go, and he went. Peacefully


Now all the other fears I had, like his family, I figured that if I could just trust that I am being guided by my higher power, and that I will have the strength to deal with whatever I am supposed to do.


We are now getting back together after three years of seperation.  I kept the house, he moved back in with his parents, I kept the kids, he hit the drugs so hard he didn't want to see the kids, but he also had his family roped into the fact that I was the vilian... making all interactions with that family tense...


I also discovered so many things about the power of my HP in my heart.  I felt weak many times through the first year, as he is begging to come home, then telling me that I caused all his woes. ANd hearing his mother (whom I loved, and thought loved me) getting sucked into the insanity tornadoe of his addiction, as I slowly came out of it.


Now I have much more sanity, and faith that one day, but not today, he will recover, or die, either way, I had him today.  No matter what I have tomorrow, I did it today.


I hope that gives you some courage....


I hold your hope.


With love


Aron in the Mountains.



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