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Boy am I a gluten for punishment or what. After blocking husband's email, I get a request to be his friend on facebook. I hover over the accept or deline button. My curiousity gets the better of me and I hit "accept". I post on his wall that I need to get in touch with him for the finalizing of the divorce. He starts shooting back nasty messages on my wall and gets three up before I can get him blocked. Why, why, why, do I not learn my lesson with this man? He has been on facebook since April (we seperated on February 13) and has been chatting with other women. Who have I been fooling? He openly said that he hoped he got divorced soon on his comments. He never said that too me. He's been playing me for a fool and using me all along. What a idiot I've been.
Sorry for such a negative post, but I'm REAL UPSET!
overcome (little o)
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I notice that once i "assess" someone as NOT in my life, I have to do it in ALL ways....email...phone...facebook....i set my facebook for only friends to view my stuff....and yea, you can block him and hide his messages.....i am relatively new, but i know that.........
so, ok...lesson learned....i would just forgive me....LEARN from it and move on....the guy is a toxic......nothing changes if nothing changes and that has to be you
ALSO==i can be a victim or volunteer (re-victimizing of myself) and what I permit--- I promote.....
hard facts but they are FACTS.....if someone is toxic??? they are toxic......
I would just keep workin on me....STEPS.....slogans...SPONSOR work.....and work them HARD.....
i am reading that you "knew you had a choice to reject or accept" and you clicked on the accept button......what is the payoff here??? why open the door??? sounds like a step 4 item.....like what happened in your past that prevents you from REALLY taking care of you and CLOSING this obviously and proven TOXIC person out of your life....that is why we have lawyers....he can talk w/your lawyer
beating you up is not going to help....going back into your past and reviewing what happend to cause you to think that this guy is even remotely worthy of conversation??? like i see an issue with letting go??? i smell step 4 and a good talk w/sponsor....
keep coming back and keep working on YOU....YOU are the only one who can take your life back and w/help from your HP who wants you to do the "basics" after you do them???? TURN IT OVER..............
...that is why we have lawyers....he can talk w/your lawyer
I think that one of the reasons I took the chance on Facebook was to send him a message, about what the lawyer wanted, because my lawyer WON'T talk to him. I am doing a uncontested divorce and I have to get the information from him and take the final document to him for him to have notarized. I am not looking forward to this at all, because I DO recognize him as TOXIC and the lawyer is making me have to deal with him, unless of course this turns into a contested divorce and the attorneys fees go up to $2500. which I can't afford right now.
I am really inbetween a rock and a hard place of having to have SOME contact with him, but not wanting to have any contact with him. I did block his friendship status almost as soon as the nasty postings started and I figured out how to delete them off of my page, so that everyone that came onto my page wouldn't be able to read them.
I am very upset and maybe your right I need to look at this with my sponsor in my 4th step. I don't know, but I do know the only reason I posted to him was to let him know that I needed to get in touch with him for the divorce. He won't answer my phone messages concerning the divorce and I've blocked his emails, so I can't correspond with him in that way and I definitely don't want to have to deal with him f2f, but it's looking more and more like I may have to.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Overcome, the best advice I ever got when dealing with lawyers is no matter how little they cost, they work FOR YOU. It might help to Get the lawyer to tell you exactly what he is prepared to do for you for the money you are paying him, ask him if you ex- is being awkward whether the latter can be liable for the costs, I find people can often come to their senses when they realise its costing them, I am sorry for your emotional distress as this is awful and I know you are just finding the normal sane things to do, not easy when dealing with this disease, cunning and baffling, take care,
I don't like the sounds of that lawyer, your husband is abusive and when you have to get info from him you are setting yourself up for abuse. I had to get three lawyers until I got one that would stand up to my ex. It was expensive but worth it.
Sorry for your pain and your struggles, they say what don't kill us will make us stronger, or so I am told... For this to will Pass and then you can get back to livin your own life with out the EX Or the Abuse... Take Care Of YOU :)
I think that one of the reasons I took the chance on Facebook was to send him a message, about what the lawyer wanted, because my lawyer WON'T talk to him.
Uhh... isn't that what a lawyer is for? When I hire a lawyer, it is for their expertise in the subject AND I'm paying them to deal with the other party - or the other party's lawyer if they have one.
If I had a tax lawyer that refused to talk to the IRS and made me do it, I'd find another lawyer.
I believe many alcoholics act out their rage rather than seek to contain it. I'm sure it is very hard to take personally. You can look at it as his failure to self regulate rather than a statement about your worth. I know for me personally my own curiosity about the ex A and my inabilty to detach from him meant I could have no contact for a long time. I've held to that. There are options I know for me I don't actually like many of my options but I do acknowledge them these days. You can exercise options rather than beat yourself to a pulp. Be kind to yourself rather than berate yourself.
OC honey, my heart is bleeding for you. YOU know that my current situation is VERY similar to yours and I ache that you fell for his antics. I ache for you. I'm positive that you could be sitting behind me watching my interactions with my soon to be ex bf and thinking to yourself "Uh oh, here he comes, he set her up and she fell for it. Good job on all your efforts Redfred, but he snuck that one in and you didn't even see it comin'". It's so easy to see it coming from the outside looking in. I don't know the steps well enough to even begin to direct you there, but I am currently living a very parrellel circumstance as yours and I know how easy it is to walk down that slippery, slippery trail.
When I read your post I recalled something Tiredtonight said when she replyed to one of my posts and I think it's fitting here. She said "Working the program helps me to replace the wishbone with a backbone." That really stuck with me! What I heard is that I have to quit living in pretend land. I can wish till kingdom come for my ex bf to take my feelings into consideration, or quit drinking, or freely divide the estate equitable, or, or, or........ It's all wishing! What I need to do is remember that I am a critical member of my life and I need to show up and take responsibility for myself. It's up to me. I tell myself several times a day "It's none of my business." Nobody's going to live my life for me and I don't want them to. For me, that means replacing my wishbone with a backbone.
I hope I've helped in some way. I'm with ya' sister. Hang in there and remember, nobody's going to remember the "he said & she saids" down the road. That's just petty stuff that life forgets. What matters is what you do with and for yourself. How you take care of YOU. I'm votin' for a nice warm bubble bath with candles and your favorite soft music to warm and comfort your soul.
Take care, Redfred
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You can't move forward while you're looking backward
I don't like the sounds of that lawyer, your husband is abusive and when you have to get info from him you are setting yourself up for abuse. I had to get three lawyers until I got one that would stand up to my ex. It was expensive but worth it.
yea, on my 1st divorce, i had to tell a lawyer "hey you work for ME and if you can't i am gone".......i ended up changing...... i agree w/this post......he sounds abusive and when i ever contacted an abuser about anything (last time w/A oldeset brother) i set me up for more abuse...an abuser is an abuser..........just my take and experience....sometimes a lawyer is like a councellor.......i have had to shop around till i found a fit for ME>..........
Gosh I've definitely been there with watching someone I was involved with act out and then being pulled back in. I had to stop interacting and stop watching them. I think that's a very hard thing to do. I don't think you were ever fooled by him or are in any way short sighted. Obviously your stbEx husband had good qualities. Be kind to yourself. Maresie.
