The material presented
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Thanks for all of the support. I have been doing a lot of introspection and once again wind up scared of my weaknesses- scared that I haven't made as much progress as I wanted to. I still have my alcohol issues that I have not let go of. I still have intimacy and sex issues and loneliness and lack of trust and MAJOR SELF-WILL battles. But, I don't want to be so dark. Is it possible to tackle these things without being depressed? Right now I just feel scared and badly about myself- perhaps I don't WANT recovery bad enough. I want it, but I want it MY way on MY terms and I know that is not the way it works.
know this: you are not alone. and i don't mean that others of us have gone through this and know how you feel, but i mean: there are people you can call for help. everyone has stressed the importance of getting to f2f meetings and connecting with other al-anoners, but you also have the option of seeing a therapist, minister, etc... you don't have to go through this alone. these are dark times for you, but you don't have to take it all on all at once or by yourself.
Is it possible to tackle these things without being depressed? Right now I just feel scared and badly about myself- perhaps I don't WANT recovery bad enough. I want it, but I want it MY way on MY terms and I know that is not the way it works.
i didn't go through depression, but GRIEF...and no, grief is a necessary part of recovery....it comes after the anger, usually, and precedes acceptance......nawww i felt WORSE in recovery for the first 3 or so years....then the pain began to ease up, but with MY past/????
i'll be in recovery, and most likely will visit anger and grief many times more, BUT these emotions don't control me....i control them......i put a timer on how long i want to "go back there" and then its step work...God work....co-sponsor talks.....and the good ole 12 STEPS.....we gotta work all the program for it to really work......those suggestions are there for a reason....
You say u have alcohol issues , it's my experience that as long as any alchohol is in your system , clear thinking is not an option . go to AA see if that is where u belong ,sit in on a few meetings if your honest with yourself u will know . Self esteem self worth are all taken away by booze , anger is common , depression is common while drinking . Sober first . works . Don't beat yourself up , get help and become the person u were ment to be .
The good news is, most of our slogans etc., are equally applicable, whether you're in the doors of AA or Al-Anon.... I think, in order for you to overcome the depression aspects, you need to be able to both "make progress", and "see yourself making progress"....
I'd leave you with a reminder of "one day at a time", and/or the reminder that: "don't try to eat the elephant all in one bite... the proper way to eat an elephant is slowly, one bite at a time"
Take care of you
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aloha Code...You have made some changes!! You are approaching honesty!! You are approaching that jumping off point the decision point to let go of how it's done and trusting others and your HP. You have never done a very good job on your own. I've watched you try and it reminded me of when I first got into recovery...what a mess!! and then it was supposed to. I haven't met one single (or married for that matter LOL) person who could just cold turkey this program and get it the first time, all of it and do it perfectly. It's not about that (perfection) it's about progress and tiny steps are okay...Understand that you are up against the (in my opinion) most cunning, powerful and baffling disease known to man and that the options are sober...insanity...or death. Sober means you get to have a new better way of living...insanity might be about where you are at right now (liking it?) and of course death which in the disease aspect is usually premature and devastating on those left behind.
So do you want it or not? If you do then you already have the suggestions to follow up on one day at a time. If you don't want to just keep doing what you are currently not liking and want to end sorta kinda. You can stop anytime you want there is not law that says you have to live like this.
Yours in support (((((hugs)))))
PS...Being scared of yourself is healthy and can lead into trusting others to lead you out of where you are at and humility...being teachable.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 1st of July 2009 01:33:30 AM
